Seriously! "Friends," pfft...Who needs them right??? JUST KIDDING!!! I'm just kidding, really...but one time I found myself so defeated and frustrated that I actually had that thought! I have spent a lot of my time chasing after people that really just aren't that interested in me. I have goo-ed and gaa-ed over certain people. I don't really know why...maybe because they seemed cool, or because I wanted to soak up their wisdom, or maybe just the fleshly desire to be a part of a higher echelon. I know right? Pretty sick...But no matter how hard I tried they never really felt led to spend time with me. I strived to attain their friendship all to end up exhausted in trying to make something happen that just wasn't there.
Then God, in His really cool way of being, opened my eyes one day and allowed for me to see and be grateful for the multitudes of people who genuinely love me and actually feel attracted to me! Don't get me wrong...I am most certainly NOT saying that those who didn't want to spend time with me were absolute jerks. Not at all! God helped me to see that I and these people simply did not mesh. It wasn't personal.
I truly believe that God, long ago, had assigned certain people to me to breath into, and to breathe in from...the rest weren't meant for me! When I finally realized this I felt so much freedom and peace and blessedness in walking out and nurturing my current relationships...those God sent to me. And it is so cool because these people genuinely liked me and weren't even turned off or scared when I would share my personal "freak-out" moments or my frailties! And that, in my opinion, is pure gold!
And you know what? If some of the things were personal, like maybe I looked too needy, too depressed or too angry or whatever other negative quality you could think of, that is ok too! I also needed to realize that I need to leave my junk at the cross. Only the Holy Spirit can remove those things from me, and sometimes he works excruciatingly slow! When I am in those mindsets I have tried to get rid of them myself yet no matter how hard I try, I fail and I continue on in that funk! But even then, God's promise rings true...that He withholds NOTHING that is good for you! Psalm 84:11 puts it this way, "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." And HOW is my walk made blameless??? Simply by saying yes to Jesus! Receive His sacrifice for all your funky junk and as a result when God sees you He doesn't see the funk, He sees His blameless son!
So, in the end, I suppose that I just want to encourage you. If this is you today, know that God loves you so much that He will not withhold even a good potential friend from you, not one!!! Regardless of your funky junk. In your good and in your bad, those friendships that are good for you in that season, God will surely provide!
In closing, I guess I can sum it up in this...stop jackin' with the divine friendship assignments!
LOVE EVERYONE! CHERISH the ones that are yours!!!
Friday, February 27, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
The Weightier Things
Shortly after the 'Christmas Chaos' I found myself at Walmart experiencing yet another chaos in its own right...'The After Christmas Chaos.' I had to return some things and, as you can imagine, the line at customer service was past the dividers all the way to the bathrooms. I don't know why I decided to stay in line, I usually leave when it is even a semi-long line because, when I am with a five year old doing adult things, everything seems eternal!
As I was standing there, I couldn't help but notice that there was an open register. To the right there were 2 employees fumbling through a cart of things that seemed to have been misplaced during the shopping extravaganza that had occurred a couple of weeks prior. They were intent on getting through the cart, reassigning the items' location and returning them to their place. Not once did either of them glance up to see if the others reps needed help caring for customers. They didn't even look up to reassure us fools in line by saying, "we will be with you shortly!" You know, like saying, "hey I see you, I know you're waiting, I will not forget you're here!" For some reason those comments always give me more peace in the waiting. But nooo, it was as if they purposed to not even look at us sensing that if they did we would interrupt their flow of re-stocking. I wondered, if the manager were to witness the goings on, what he/she would say...Would he encourage his employees to stop and help the customers waiting or would he encourage his employees to continue on ignoring what, in my opinion, is the weightier matter. Now I want to make clear that I am not judging Walmart's management, nor their employees. I wasn't there when the directives were given. I just want to bring to light what I believe the Lord showed me through this experience.
Initially, it reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha. "Martha welcomed Jesus into her home and while her sister, Mary, happily sat at the feet of Jesus listening to His teaching, Martha was occupied and distracted with much serving." (Luke 10:38-40) I wondered how many times I've caused a sensation of neglect over my loved ones for choosing the work over the relationship. How many times have I chosen something that will be there forever over what was temporal? How many times have I denied attention to something on which I could only capitalize if I did it in the moment?
I have small children and of course it reminded me of them first. The moments where I have failed to pause the kitchen cleaning in the evening so I could savor that last hour while they were awake before going to bed. Or the times I've chosen to not go outside to watch them ride their bikes so I could finally vacuum! Or like, literally just this very second as I sit here and write, how my initial response to my youngest calling me from the bathtub to show me his bubble beard and mustache was, "Judah, I am working, you have to wait!" LOL! In case you're wondering, yes, I paused my writing and went! It was instant conviction! I am far from perfect and I struggle with this everyday. So I am not suggesting that you watch me and do as I do! I do not have this system down and I often get caught up in the work and not the relationship.
I thought of how sometimes when I have company I get consumed with cleaning the kitchen as my guest are still here. I selfishly want to have everything clean so that by that by the time they leave I can rest and go to bed. I have gotten so much better at that, thanks to my mom who has gotten me to see how important it is to lend attention to the matter at hand, which in those times are moments of conversations and laughs or even cries with the people in my midst. But dude, it is hard! My flesh can easily take over and I forfeit the relationship.
But isn't that exactly what Satan would want? He comes only to kill, to steal and to destroy. I once heard a bible teacher say that the Greek word for kill here also meant 'sacrifice.' The devil is constantly trying to get us to sacrifice, lay down, give up on the weightier things and so cunningly masks it by making it look essential.
When my husband comes home and he has something on his heart to share, but I literally just got all the kids down and I am finally able to read my book or simply brainlessly peruse my Facebook feed, I am basically choosing what I could come back to later over something I might never get back.
Like I said, I do NOT have this down at all! I have by no means mastered choosing the weightier things. I can at least say I have grown. But really, all I can do is pray that God would continuously help me to do better. In the end, any permanent change in me must be accomplished by the Holy Spirit, otherwise I end up taking the credit and consider myself holier than thou. But it has got me thinking...even to the point of this...
Am I able to set aside even the rules for the sake of compassion? I wonder how much "the right thing according to the rules" has a hold over me? A blatantly obvious scenario, to which I think any of us would positively react, is a child going into the street and a car is coming. Will I run into the street and risk jay walking for the sake of saving this child's life? Of course I would!!! But I would be breaking the law! SOOOO? What if I was driving and witnessed someone on the side of the road getting a beating and I didn't have my Bluetooth and no where to pull over? Would I choose to use my cellphone in the car illegally in favor of the weightier thing? You know...I think these kinds of things are exactly for what Jesus stood. He didn't care it was the Sabbath, if you needed healing, dag nabbit, you would be healed! He didn't care if He was busy, the children wanted to come and He capitalized on that moment. He welcomed them!
I know that condemnation is NOT from the Lord. So feeling ashamed and guilty after reading this is not the desired purpose. Honestly it's just a series of thoughts and challenges I feel like I personally faced that day in Walmart. I don't know if I would have ever broken the rules before, whether placed by the government or by mere society's standards, but I can truthfully say that I would consider it more today than ever before. Do I believe Jesus would be upset or disappointed with me for it? Not in the least!!! I actually believe this is why so many people have such powerful success stories about smuggling bibles into countries that prohibit, BY LAW, their distribution! It is amazing how non-legalistic our God is!
I believe that this year the body of Christ will be awakened to a greater sense of Grace. That we will be less blinded by the law and more inclined to judge each circumstance by the lens of Jesus' compassion. That our actions and responses would be coming from a place of what Jesus would truly do as opposed to what our human understanding has imposed over the years. My prayer is that we would enter into this coming awareness with all the shackles off and that the condemnation that could easily hold us back would be stripped away and we would be free to 'break the rules,' if you will, in light of the weightier things! All for the glory of Christ!
As I was standing there, I couldn't help but notice that there was an open register. To the right there were 2 employees fumbling through a cart of things that seemed to have been misplaced during the shopping extravaganza that had occurred a couple of weeks prior. They were intent on getting through the cart, reassigning the items' location and returning them to their place. Not once did either of them glance up to see if the others reps needed help caring for customers. They didn't even look up to reassure us fools in line by saying, "we will be with you shortly!" You know, like saying, "hey I see you, I know you're waiting, I will not forget you're here!" For some reason those comments always give me more peace in the waiting. But nooo, it was as if they purposed to not even look at us sensing that if they did we would interrupt their flow of re-stocking. I wondered, if the manager were to witness the goings on, what he/she would say...Would he encourage his employees to stop and help the customers waiting or would he encourage his employees to continue on ignoring what, in my opinion, is the weightier matter. Now I want to make clear that I am not judging Walmart's management, nor their employees. I wasn't there when the directives were given. I just want to bring to light what I believe the Lord showed me through this experience.
Initially, it reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha. "Martha welcomed Jesus into her home and while her sister, Mary, happily sat at the feet of Jesus listening to His teaching, Martha was occupied and distracted with much serving." (Luke 10:38-40) I wondered how many times I've caused a sensation of neglect over my loved ones for choosing the work over the relationship. How many times have I chosen something that will be there forever over what was temporal? How many times have I denied attention to something on which I could only capitalize if I did it in the moment?
I have small children and of course it reminded me of them first. The moments where I have failed to pause the kitchen cleaning in the evening so I could savor that last hour while they were awake before going to bed. Or the times I've chosen to not go outside to watch them ride their bikes so I could finally vacuum! Or like, literally just this very second as I sit here and write, how my initial response to my youngest calling me from the bathtub to show me his bubble beard and mustache was, "Judah, I am working, you have to wait!" LOL! In case you're wondering, yes, I paused my writing and went! It was instant conviction! I am far from perfect and I struggle with this everyday. So I am not suggesting that you watch me and do as I do! I do not have this system down and I often get caught up in the work and not the relationship.
I thought of how sometimes when I have company I get consumed with cleaning the kitchen as my guest are still here. I selfishly want to have everything clean so that by that by the time they leave I can rest and go to bed. I have gotten so much better at that, thanks to my mom who has gotten me to see how important it is to lend attention to the matter at hand, which in those times are moments of conversations and laughs or even cries with the people in my midst. But dude, it is hard! My flesh can easily take over and I forfeit the relationship.
But isn't that exactly what Satan would want? He comes only to kill, to steal and to destroy. I once heard a bible teacher say that the Greek word for kill here also meant 'sacrifice.' The devil is constantly trying to get us to sacrifice, lay down, give up on the weightier things and so cunningly masks it by making it look essential.
When my husband comes home and he has something on his heart to share, but I literally just got all the kids down and I am finally able to read my book or simply brainlessly peruse my Facebook feed, I am basically choosing what I could come back to later over something I might never get back.
Like I said, I do NOT have this down at all! I have by no means mastered choosing the weightier things. I can at least say I have grown. But really, all I can do is pray that God would continuously help me to do better. In the end, any permanent change in me must be accomplished by the Holy Spirit, otherwise I end up taking the credit and consider myself holier than thou. But it has got me thinking...even to the point of this...
Am I able to set aside even the rules for the sake of compassion? I wonder how much "the right thing according to the rules" has a hold over me? A blatantly obvious scenario, to which I think any of us would positively react, is a child going into the street and a car is coming. Will I run into the street and risk jay walking for the sake of saving this child's life? Of course I would!!! But I would be breaking the law! SOOOO? What if I was driving and witnessed someone on the side of the road getting a beating and I didn't have my Bluetooth and no where to pull over? Would I choose to use my cellphone in the car illegally in favor of the weightier thing? You know...I think these kinds of things are exactly for what Jesus stood. He didn't care it was the Sabbath, if you needed healing, dag nabbit, you would be healed! He didn't care if He was busy, the children wanted to come and He capitalized on that moment. He welcomed them!
I know that condemnation is NOT from the Lord. So feeling ashamed and guilty after reading this is not the desired purpose. Honestly it's just a series of thoughts and challenges I feel like I personally faced that day in Walmart. I don't know if I would have ever broken the rules before, whether placed by the government or by mere society's standards, but I can truthfully say that I would consider it more today than ever before. Do I believe Jesus would be upset or disappointed with me for it? Not in the least!!! I actually believe this is why so many people have such powerful success stories about smuggling bibles into countries that prohibit, BY LAW, their distribution! It is amazing how non-legalistic our God is!
I believe that this year the body of Christ will be awakened to a greater sense of Grace. That we will be less blinded by the law and more inclined to judge each circumstance by the lens of Jesus' compassion. That our actions and responses would be coming from a place of what Jesus would truly do as opposed to what our human understanding has imposed over the years. My prayer is that we would enter into this coming awareness with all the shackles off and that the condemnation that could easily hold us back would be stripped away and we would be free to 'break the rules,' if you will, in light of the weightier things! All for the glory of Christ!
Friday, February 13, 2015
Debts, Credit Cards, and Tithing...OH MY Part 3
There are so many things that I want to say, but let me just start by saying that God is multifaceted. And even now that I try to describe the fullness of what God is doing in this season, I honestly don't even think I grasp a third of it. Nonetheless, I will share the little I perceive.
First and foremost, God settled the tithing issue. I believe that this was the 1st phase because it is the most important! Any financial blessing, whether it be the provision of a job, the release of one of our credit card debts, or cash gifts, among others, would be completely ineffective if faith and faithfulness in tithing was not first settled in our hearts! That in spite of circumstances, we would tithe no matter what. That in the face of not having, we would still pay the tithe FIRST and trust God for the rest! And you know what's funny about that statement? On January 30th right after I posted part 1, I left my computer on so I can balance my accounts on my budget spreadsheet. All of the sudden I realized I had NOT tithed BEFORE paying out all my bills. We get paid once a month and I sit down once a month and pay all of them at once. Some don't clear until mid-month because some are automatic withdrawals, yet in my spreadsheet they are all accounted for. I felt my heart drop when I realized I hadn't tithed because after balancing my ledger, we only had $391 left for gas and groceries until the END of February!!! And our tithe for this month was a little over that amount! I made the mistake of not tithing FIRST and THEN paying all my bills! But God's grace is sufficient and I know He knows it was an honest mistake. Needless to say, I was left at that very moment with a decision to make. Do I tithe, or do I make the excuse that its apparent that tithing will leave us with literally $0 for the rest of the month. I couldn't help but think that I was being tested for my 'audacity' in posting about how I learned that tithing was a God thing! But yes, I tithed. Was I tempted not to? Absolutely! But how many of you know that to be tempted is NOT a sin! Hallelujah, Praise the Lord! I have to be honest though, I did have some peace in that, in December, when we had received plenty of cash gifts, I put $1000 in savings according to the Dave Ramsey plan. I wish I could tell you that I was super bold in my tithing this month but to be frank, I had a little cushion! Either way, this taught me something. I will make sure that, no matter what, the very first thing that comes out of our paycheck every month will be our tithe payment. Why?? Well because if I don't, I give opportunity to the devil to tempt me. I know well that even in Christ, if I am weak enough on any given day, I can miss the mark. Peter lived with Jesus for crying out loud, and when faced with potential retaliation, he denied Christ 3 times. So who am I to think that I couldn't fall to temptation?
I tithed, and wouldn't you know...God is so super cool?!? Christopher got an additional student plus another student to tutor three nights in a row!!!! I got a job to clean a condo and out of the blue I got several re-orders for my home-based business!!! In addition to that, I got an offer to rent out a property and make a commission!!! That money will be our provision for next month! And to top it all off, I already paid back to my savings account what I borrowed AND TODAY, two weeks into February, we have more money than the original $391 we started with!!! How cool is that?
Phase 2 of this breakthrough had to do with my admittance that I had a problem with this spirit of poverty and under-earning. So many things tie into this, and I don't fully understand all of it and how it manifests, but as I get healed from this I will share more. But admitting I had a problem was a huge breakthrough in that if I still had my head in the sand about it, I would not be able to address it. Truth is, it wasn't until I realized I had a problem that I brought it in prayer before God and before godly family & friends. I actually believe this was a catalyst for my willingness to get rid of all my credit cards in the first place. Admitting I had a problem made the chains more visible and I was able to see the enemy's plan more clearly. Besides...how could God bring me any financial freedom in my debts if when I finally got out of my debts I would continue to operate in this disease of under-earning and a poverty mentality? I would simply slip back into old patterns and be back in debt! He is so faithful!
Phase 3 was the act of actually handing over my credit cards and strictly living off the cash we have in the bank!!! Need I say more?
Phase 4...I am learning to JUST SAY NO! This has a lot to do with my pride. I have had to deny financial support to missionary friends. I have had to let my children know that we can't make so-and-so's birthday this month because we made so-and-so's birthday last month. The same for baby showers and other events that would require we pitch in. We have gotten extremely creative in our meals and less foo-fooey when we have guests. But even more than that, we have learned to say, "thank you," and RECEIVE the help when it has been offered. I think this is one of the hardest parts. It has been a tremendously humbling experience. But you know what???? It is a most marvelous gift because God opposes the proud but gives favor to the humble!!!
Phase 5 and beyond...that is yet to be written! This story is surely not over!!! I have learned that this season in my life is not only about me, but about the freedom God will bring to many as a result of this testimony! In my days of weakness this thought has brought me much peace. When I remember that more people are at stake, for some reason, I find fresh courage to weather the storm! God doesn't play favorites, and I'll say it again...what He did for me He will do for you too IF you let Him!!! God is so good and His faithfulness stretches to the sky!!!
I LOVE you all so much! My heart burns for you to experience His greatness!! In this holiday of Love my prayer for you is that you would be covered in a fresh anointing of His LOVE!!! And that His LOVE, which casts out ALL fear, would be made manifest to you in a new and very tangible way!!
Happy LOVE day to you all! But really...in Christ, everyday is a LOVE day!
First and foremost, God settled the tithing issue. I believe that this was the 1st phase because it is the most important! Any financial blessing, whether it be the provision of a job, the release of one of our credit card debts, or cash gifts, among others, would be completely ineffective if faith and faithfulness in tithing was not first settled in our hearts! That in spite of circumstances, we would tithe no matter what. That in the face of not having, we would still pay the tithe FIRST and trust God for the rest! And you know what's funny about that statement? On January 30th right after I posted part 1, I left my computer on so I can balance my accounts on my budget spreadsheet. All of the sudden I realized I had NOT tithed BEFORE paying out all my bills. We get paid once a month and I sit down once a month and pay all of them at once. Some don't clear until mid-month because some are automatic withdrawals, yet in my spreadsheet they are all accounted for. I felt my heart drop when I realized I hadn't tithed because after balancing my ledger, we only had $391 left for gas and groceries until the END of February!!! And our tithe for this month was a little over that amount! I made the mistake of not tithing FIRST and THEN paying all my bills! But God's grace is sufficient and I know He knows it was an honest mistake. Needless to say, I was left at that very moment with a decision to make. Do I tithe, or do I make the excuse that its apparent that tithing will leave us with literally $0 for the rest of the month. I couldn't help but think that I was being tested for my 'audacity' in posting about how I learned that tithing was a God thing! But yes, I tithed. Was I tempted not to? Absolutely! But how many of you know that to be tempted is NOT a sin! Hallelujah, Praise the Lord! I have to be honest though, I did have some peace in that, in December, when we had received plenty of cash gifts, I put $1000 in savings according to the Dave Ramsey plan. I wish I could tell you that I was super bold in my tithing this month but to be frank, I had a little cushion! Either way, this taught me something. I will make sure that, no matter what, the very first thing that comes out of our paycheck every month will be our tithe payment. Why?? Well because if I don't, I give opportunity to the devil to tempt me. I know well that even in Christ, if I am weak enough on any given day, I can miss the mark. Peter lived with Jesus for crying out loud, and when faced with potential retaliation, he denied Christ 3 times. So who am I to think that I couldn't fall to temptation?
I tithed, and wouldn't you know...God is so super cool?!? Christopher got an additional student plus another student to tutor three nights in a row!!!! I got a job to clean a condo and out of the blue I got several re-orders for my home-based business!!! In addition to that, I got an offer to rent out a property and make a commission!!! That money will be our provision for next month! And to top it all off, I already paid back to my savings account what I borrowed AND TODAY, two weeks into February, we have more money than the original $391 we started with!!! How cool is that?
Phase 2 of this breakthrough had to do with my admittance that I had a problem with this spirit of poverty and under-earning. So many things tie into this, and I don't fully understand all of it and how it manifests, but as I get healed from this I will share more. But admitting I had a problem was a huge breakthrough in that if I still had my head in the sand about it, I would not be able to address it. Truth is, it wasn't until I realized I had a problem that I brought it in prayer before God and before godly family & friends. I actually believe this was a catalyst for my willingness to get rid of all my credit cards in the first place. Admitting I had a problem made the chains more visible and I was able to see the enemy's plan more clearly. Besides...how could God bring me any financial freedom in my debts if when I finally got out of my debts I would continue to operate in this disease of under-earning and a poverty mentality? I would simply slip back into old patterns and be back in debt! He is so faithful!
Phase 3 was the act of actually handing over my credit cards and strictly living off the cash we have in the bank!!! Need I say more?
Phase 4...I am learning to JUST SAY NO! This has a lot to do with my pride. I have had to deny financial support to missionary friends. I have had to let my children know that we can't make so-and-so's birthday this month because we made so-and-so's birthday last month. The same for baby showers and other events that would require we pitch in. We have gotten extremely creative in our meals and less foo-fooey when we have guests. But even more than that, we have learned to say, "thank you," and RECEIVE the help when it has been offered. I think this is one of the hardest parts. It has been a tremendously humbling experience. But you know what???? It is a most marvelous gift because God opposes the proud but gives favor to the humble!!!
Phase 5 and beyond...that is yet to be written! This story is surely not over!!! I have learned that this season in my life is not only about me, but about the freedom God will bring to many as a result of this testimony! In my days of weakness this thought has brought me much peace. When I remember that more people are at stake, for some reason, I find fresh courage to weather the storm! God doesn't play favorites, and I'll say it again...what He did for me He will do for you too IF you let Him!!! God is so good and His faithfulness stretches to the sky!!!
I LOVE you all so much! My heart burns for you to experience His greatness!! In this holiday of Love my prayer for you is that you would be covered in a fresh anointing of His LOVE!!! And that His LOVE, which casts out ALL fear, would be made manifest to you in a new and very tangible way!!
Happy LOVE day to you all! But really...in Christ, everyday is a LOVE day!
Friday, February 6, 2015
Debts, Credit Cards & Tithing...OH MY!!! PART 2
Last week I ended my post by sharing that my husband and I had decided to test God as He entreated us to do so through Malachi 3:10. So in December of 2013 we tithed for the first time in about 8 months. We committed to tithing for the next 3 months. We prayed and asked God to show us if He was in this. If He wasn't, then we would stop tithing after the 3rd month. Well...He was faithful and showed Himself just enough that my husband and I were fully and unshakably convinced that tithing is in fact a principle for today and that there is indeed blessing as a result of this act of faith. But there was one problem, although He showed himself "just enough" to convince us of tithing, it was not, however, "just enough" to put us in a position to not have to borrow money from our credit cards. Now I know that does not sound like much of a blessing but I believe that for this particular breakthrough, God was working in phases.
Right after the tithe in December, we received several money gifts, food from people not wanting their excess to go to waste and even great condition hand-me-downs for the kids and even my husband and I. What's more, my husband got a call from the school district offering him a homebound student, which had not happened in FOR-E-VAH! And although this was great, and did help some, it still was not enough to make ends meet. We were still borrowing from our credit cards, only this time, we were only borrowing 75% of what we had been borrowing, and that, my friends, is still a butt load of money! The coolest thing was, of course, that in spite of there being an obvious deficiency in our finances, questioning giving our tithe was no longer an issue. God faithfully settled that in our hearts and, in my opinion, THAT is a HUGE breakthrough! But that wasn't all.
Somewhere in the middle of 2014, my husband's homebound student was now fit to go to an actual campus and we were back without that extra income. And although in November of 2014 he got a promotion, the stipend he was to receive as a result of said promotion would not kick in until the Fall of 2015!! Needless to say, we were stuck!!!
Throughout the months of 2014 God highlighted different issues in my life. He showed me that I had a spirit of poverty. He also showed me that I had a spiritual disease of being a compulsive under earner. YES these are real conditions of the soul. I won't go into detail only because that topic in and of itself would be its own post (and that may very well be something I do in the future) but for now, just know that these two things placed me in a perpetual state of feeling unworthy and being discontent with what I had, not to mention, plenty of shame and condemnation attached.
I knew from being a recovered alcoholic and drug addict that this was something over which I was powerless. The truth is, if I could have stopped it on my own, I would have a long time ago. But I couldn't. Thankfully, I could now assimilate the effects of these two spiritual diseases over my life, however, I could not, for the life of me, or even just the survival of me, bring myself to break that cycle!!! I needed the ONE who could indeed do something about it, and that ONE is Jesus Christ!!!
I started talking about it more...in prayer. Just like the tithing thing, every chance I got I would go to the prayer team at church or other bible studies and I would ask that they would pray to break this spirit of poverty and under-earning. I would also pray for the release of our debt. That was the only way out. I knew it from experience! I knew that deliverance would come if I humbled myself though prayer before God and man (James 5:16).
On several of those prayer times, I was asked if I still used credit cards. I admitted that I did. They encouraged me to give those up. I accepted that I needed to but I was absolutely terrified to actually do it. Therefore, there was no resolve. And here I was all over again feeling like I was damned if I DID get rid of my credit cards, because I would have no fall back, and I was damned if I didn't, because BEING IN DEBT IS NOT THE WILL OF GOD. Proverbs 22:7 says, "...the BORROWER is a SLAVE to the lender." Yet Jesus said I was free! Romans 13:8 says, "Let NO DEBT REMAIN OUTSTANDING, except the continuing debt to love one another." Yet I had credit card debt galore!
I truly believe that humbling myself by praying over and over again, with amazing godly people, worked overtime. I started to feel a supernatural peace that God was working everything out to completion and that He was faithful to show me what to do! How did I know it was working, you ask??? Well let me tell you! On December 21, 2014 (YES!!! 4 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS), in a most unexpected way, we handed our credit cards to two of the most amazing godly prayer warriors in our church, upon THEIR request!!! LOL! I laugh because it was so weird!!! Who does that?!?! AND me...I just opened my wallet and gave them ALL my credit cards!!! Who does THAT??? But you know what??? It felt so natural. It was time! Somehow, in that very moment, God supernaturally interceded and did for me what forever and a day I could not do for myself!
Now a really cool thing to tell you right now would be for me to say how so amazingly godly and bold I was to hand them over! But honestly, I think Holy Spirit just sort of took over my body, like a robot, because I distinctly remember handing them over and in my head saying, "what the heck are you doing???" HAHAHA!!! But it happened! And then we get in the car and my first comment to my husband is, "well THANK GOD we have already bought our kids Christmas gifts!!!" YEAH I SAID IT!!! Sick right??? But you know what? Immediately after that I was overcome by so much awe and gratefulness! Not only were our prayer warriors bold enough to hold us accountable, but GOD completely stepped in as well and caused me to follow thru on a desire I long had, but no strength to take action to fulfill it!
So here we are again, my beautiful blog family, needing to make this into a PART 3! You don't want to miss it because what happens next, most of which just happened this past week after writing part 1, is insanely amazing!!! See you next week!
SIDE NOTE: There is a lot of information out there about the spirit of poverty and the disease of compulsive under-earning. If this strikes a cord with you I encourage you to look into it. There is a difference between a negative confession of faith that I am poor or not worthy, and asking people to pray because I can admit that there is something that has a hold over me. The former is a pitiful way of thought and the latter is a catalyst to a stance of power. Truth is...you cannot bring to the light of Jesus what you cannot admit that you have in darkness! So don't believe for one second that praying over and over again for deliverance of this is a confession of "oh poor, poor me, I am destitute and lame!" NO! that is just the devil trying to get you to not seek prayer. Pray until something happens!!! I promise He will do for you what He did for me!!!
Right after the tithe in December, we received several money gifts, food from people not wanting their excess to go to waste and even great condition hand-me-downs for the kids and even my husband and I. What's more, my husband got a call from the school district offering him a homebound student, which had not happened in FOR-E-VAH! And although this was great, and did help some, it still was not enough to make ends meet. We were still borrowing from our credit cards, only this time, we were only borrowing 75% of what we had been borrowing, and that, my friends, is still a butt load of money! The coolest thing was, of course, that in spite of there being an obvious deficiency in our finances, questioning giving our tithe was no longer an issue. God faithfully settled that in our hearts and, in my opinion, THAT is a HUGE breakthrough! But that wasn't all.
Somewhere in the middle of 2014, my husband's homebound student was now fit to go to an actual campus and we were back without that extra income. And although in November of 2014 he got a promotion, the stipend he was to receive as a result of said promotion would not kick in until the Fall of 2015!! Needless to say, we were stuck!!!
Throughout the months of 2014 God highlighted different issues in my life. He showed me that I had a spirit of poverty. He also showed me that I had a spiritual disease of being a compulsive under earner. YES these are real conditions of the soul. I won't go into detail only because that topic in and of itself would be its own post (and that may very well be something I do in the future) but for now, just know that these two things placed me in a perpetual state of feeling unworthy and being discontent with what I had, not to mention, plenty of shame and condemnation attached.
I knew from being a recovered alcoholic and drug addict that this was something over which I was powerless. The truth is, if I could have stopped it on my own, I would have a long time ago. But I couldn't. Thankfully, I could now assimilate the effects of these two spiritual diseases over my life, however, I could not, for the life of me, or even just the survival of me, bring myself to break that cycle!!! I needed the ONE who could indeed do something about it, and that ONE is Jesus Christ!!!
I started talking about it more...in prayer. Just like the tithing thing, every chance I got I would go to the prayer team at church or other bible studies and I would ask that they would pray to break this spirit of poverty and under-earning. I would also pray for the release of our debt. That was the only way out. I knew it from experience! I knew that deliverance would come if I humbled myself though prayer before God and man (James 5:16).
On several of those prayer times, I was asked if I still used credit cards. I admitted that I did. They encouraged me to give those up. I accepted that I needed to but I was absolutely terrified to actually do it. Therefore, there was no resolve. And here I was all over again feeling like I was damned if I DID get rid of my credit cards, because I would have no fall back, and I was damned if I didn't, because BEING IN DEBT IS NOT THE WILL OF GOD. Proverbs 22:7 says, "...the BORROWER is a SLAVE to the lender." Yet Jesus said I was free! Romans 13:8 says, "Let NO DEBT REMAIN OUTSTANDING, except the continuing debt to love one another." Yet I had credit card debt galore!
I truly believe that humbling myself by praying over and over again, with amazing godly people, worked overtime. I started to feel a supernatural peace that God was working everything out to completion and that He was faithful to show me what to do! How did I know it was working, you ask??? Well let me tell you! On December 21, 2014 (YES!!! 4 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS), in a most unexpected way, we handed our credit cards to two of the most amazing godly prayer warriors in our church, upon THEIR request!!! LOL! I laugh because it was so weird!!! Who does that?!?! AND me...I just opened my wallet and gave them ALL my credit cards!!! Who does THAT??? But you know what??? It felt so natural. It was time! Somehow, in that very moment, God supernaturally interceded and did for me what forever and a day I could not do for myself!
Now a really cool thing to tell you right now would be for me to say how so amazingly godly and bold I was to hand them over! But honestly, I think Holy Spirit just sort of took over my body, like a robot, because I distinctly remember handing them over and in my head saying, "what the heck are you doing???" HAHAHA!!! But it happened! And then we get in the car and my first comment to my husband is, "well THANK GOD we have already bought our kids Christmas gifts!!!" YEAH I SAID IT!!! Sick right??? But you know what? Immediately after that I was overcome by so much awe and gratefulness! Not only were our prayer warriors bold enough to hold us accountable, but GOD completely stepped in as well and caused me to follow thru on a desire I long had, but no strength to take action to fulfill it!
So here we are again, my beautiful blog family, needing to make this into a PART 3! You don't want to miss it because what happens next, most of which just happened this past week after writing part 1, is insanely amazing!!! See you next week!
SIDE NOTE: There is a lot of information out there about the spirit of poverty and the disease of compulsive under-earning. If this strikes a cord with you I encourage you to look into it. There is a difference between a negative confession of faith that I am poor or not worthy, and asking people to pray because I can admit that there is something that has a hold over me. The former is a pitiful way of thought and the latter is a catalyst to a stance of power. Truth is...you cannot bring to the light of Jesus what you cannot admit that you have in darkness! So don't believe for one second that praying over and over again for deliverance of this is a confession of "oh poor, poor me, I am destitute and lame!" NO! that is just the devil trying to get you to not seek prayer. Pray until something happens!!! I promise He will do for you what He did for me!!!
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