For a long time now I have struggled with recognition. It actually cracks me up when I give it enough time to think on it because it is an extremely bi-polar-ish struggle! Sometimes when I do not get recognized for something I did or I do not get recognized by the "right" people, I get all petty and whiney about it! It's so stupid because, if I really think about it, those moments have been the times in which I've operated inconspicuously. For real! Even if someone wanted to give credit for it, they wouldn't even know to whom. In those moments I feel like I am an angry backstage manager at a famous Broadway play indignant at the fact that I am not being applauded! Dude! You chose that job! Its a BACK-stage job! In the back! Anyway, I have struggled with that and I truly believe it has to do with having low self-esteem and the unhealthy desire to strive to be accepted and of being approved by man. But that's NOT what I am writing about today! Ha! I guess I preface this post with that example to demonstrate how ridiculous my mind can be at times! With as much as I want to be recognized in those moments, you would think that I would have no issue at all putting my name on something I conjured, invented or created. I am floored at the fact that I have day dreams where I envision a song I wrote or a drawing I made being used for something greater and yet thinking to myself, "I will not attribute that work to me, it will be done anonymously." Now I get it, people do things anonymously all the time, and that is not a bad thing. Even Jesus said to not let the right hand know what the left hand is doing. Or to not do things like praying and worshipping for show. But I am not talking about that. I am talking about allowing a spirit of fear and inferiority to dictate how I present myself. That is not the same spirit with which Jesus intended for me to live by when he asked for us, through his word, to do things in private. Jesus was talking about humility, which is rooted in LOVE. Not putting your name on, figuratively speaking, something you've created or have worked hard on out of a sense of shame is rooted in FEAR. And if I remember correctly, God has said that, in Christ, we do not have a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and a sound, self-disciplined mind! (2 Timothy 1:7)
It's interesting that when the Apostle Paul wrote that to Timothy, immediately before it, he said, "I remind you to FAN THE FLAMES OF THE SPIRITUAL GIFT God gave you. I believe Paul was stressing the importance of walking without shame in the calling God gave each of us. Timothy was called to preach the gospel. And here he is being encouraged to walk in it without fear or timidity. Why? Because when we do, the person to which credit is ultimately being given to is God Himself!! You may not be called to be a pastor, but you are definitely called to preach the gospel. And maybe your way of preaching the gospel is through song, art, parenting with excellence, business ventures, construction...you name it! Whatever it is, I really believe God gives us permission to put our name on it because when people see how human we really are and yet something so amazing came from us, there is no way one can mistake who the credit truly goes to...God!
I went to a girls night recently where we were all being creative and crafting things...conversations flowed freely. Women were openly sharing thoughts, feelings, poems and prophetic words! Encouragement and love were abounding as we applauded each other. In that moment I thought, "God, what an amazing church life we would have if we all felt free enough to share how God is using us. Even more amazing if we all recognized that we each had a part in it and did not feel threatened when one of us would shine!"
Kris Vallotton, a Pastor at Bethel Church, said it this way..."when we become everything we were meant to be, it actually GIVES the glory to God." He is implying that when we create from the place of one of our callings, accepting with pride (the good kind) and joy that we were the vessel God chose in that instant, it doesn't TAKE the Glory from God at all!!! It attributes all glory to Him who put it there in the first place! God in the flesh, Jesus himself, said in Matthew 5:16, "Let your good deeds shine for all to see, SO THAT EVERYONE WILL PRAISE YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER!"
What can I say then??? Hold your head up! Yes, you are a child of God used for His purposes! Wear it with pride and accept the praise for the good things you've done or created. Go ahead! Put your name on it because in reality they are honoring the Jesus in you!!!! Praise be to God!
Friday, June 5, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
She/He Poops Too!
I'm sure you've heard of imagining people naked in the audience in order to calm the nerves before speaking publicly. I'm not too sure it works, but I recently came across something similar that did! More importantly it made me crack up laughing and helped to lighten-up my heart's load. I was sharing, with an amazing man of God, my fears of cold calling and walking into places to offer my product not knowing a single soul from Adam. I also shared the paralyzing intimidation I feel when sharing God's word with people (which I believe is my calling.) I assume they are far better than me. My thoughts run along the line of, "they don't need to hear anything from me! Surely God talks to them...who do I think I am!?" To this he says jokingly and yet so matter-of-fact-ly, "Just remember, "He/She poops too!" HAHAHA! It worked! If I can just think of how they poop too, I won't feel so intimidated right??? LOL
Now of course this strategy is really one that I would only cling to when I am found in a place cynicism and fear, not able to remember what God says about it all. I don't know about you but sometimes I just don't feel like the godly daughter of the king with the sword in her hand ready to conquer the world! I just don't. And to be honest with you, most of the time when I walk in my calling its out of reverence and fear of the Lord that he has given me something to say and I would be wrong not to say it. Other times I literally get sick to my stomach when I hold something in that I am supposed to share. So I wish I could tell you that in this season of my life I am full of God confidence and that's why I operate in my gifting, but really its a compulsion to simply be right with God.
Your calling in life might be different than mine. But the same rules apply. When you know God has given you a gift to do something you should just do it, unapologetically! Don't fear others will look at you saying, "Dude, who does she/he think she/he is?" Let's say my dentist...He has the gift of understanding dentistry with excellence. I have NEVER heard him apologize to me for doing a job well done!!! I have also never thought, "Who does he think he is for fixing my teeth so efficiently?" Sounds funny when I put it that way but it is true!!! For you, getting up on stage and speaking publicly might be a gift and you can probably knock the ball right out of the park each time you do it! How insane would it be if immediately afterwards you apologized to your audience for really rockin' it??? Why do I feel the need to apologize for fear that people might think I'm just being arrogant for walking in my gifting? Now please know that I am not suggesting that we become proud and arrogant for there is a fine line and it is a slippery slope. But with God it is completely possible to be 100% effective in your calling and yet stay humble, provided that we abide in Him.
I love how the message bible sums it up in Galatians 6:4-5: "make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself to others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." How cool is that? God wants us to walk in confidence of who He has called us to be, and leave behind who He has not called us to be. For me to be sad that I can't fix teeth like my dentist is ludicrous! Through this scripture God gives you and me permission to walk in our calling, humbly, always acknowledging where the strength and power comes from, and not fearing man and their approval or rejection of our gift!
I hope I am talking to somebody. I hope that someone struggling, like me, to be confident in who God says they are is reading this post! I long to encourage you! The world NEEDS YOU! I heard someone recently say something like, "if God created only one 'me' then it stands to reason that I am the best 'me' that there is!" Ok I probably butchered that quote but I pray you catch my drift! Dag nabbit!!! BE YOU! Stop being afraid of others judging you for being good at what you do! Walk in it, God made you that way because the buck doesn't stop with you! You are to spread whatever He gave you into everything you say and do. The empowerment of others lies in your hands too! One person at a time you can change the world! I really believe it!
So, if you find yourself today in this predicament, I hope you can take my words to heart. I pray that you begin to have an awareness of the importance of walking in His calling for you! And shoot, if you find yourself on a cynical day, like sometimes I have, and everything I have written here fails to come to memory, then hopefully you can move beyond intimidation by in the very least remembering that she and he poops too! ;)
Now of course this strategy is really one that I would only cling to when I am found in a place cynicism and fear, not able to remember what God says about it all. I don't know about you but sometimes I just don't feel like the godly daughter of the king with the sword in her hand ready to conquer the world! I just don't. And to be honest with you, most of the time when I walk in my calling its out of reverence and fear of the Lord that he has given me something to say and I would be wrong not to say it. Other times I literally get sick to my stomach when I hold something in that I am supposed to share. So I wish I could tell you that in this season of my life I am full of God confidence and that's why I operate in my gifting, but really its a compulsion to simply be right with God.
Your calling in life might be different than mine. But the same rules apply. When you know God has given you a gift to do something you should just do it, unapologetically! Don't fear others will look at you saying, "Dude, who does she/he think she/he is?" Let's say my dentist...He has the gift of understanding dentistry with excellence. I have NEVER heard him apologize to me for doing a job well done!!! I have also never thought, "Who does he think he is for fixing my teeth so efficiently?" Sounds funny when I put it that way but it is true!!! For you, getting up on stage and speaking publicly might be a gift and you can probably knock the ball right out of the park each time you do it! How insane would it be if immediately afterwards you apologized to your audience for really rockin' it??? Why do I feel the need to apologize for fear that people might think I'm just being arrogant for walking in my gifting? Now please know that I am not suggesting that we become proud and arrogant for there is a fine line and it is a slippery slope. But with God it is completely possible to be 100% effective in your calling and yet stay humble, provided that we abide in Him.
I love how the message bible sums it up in Galatians 6:4-5: "make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself to others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." How cool is that? God wants us to walk in confidence of who He has called us to be, and leave behind who He has not called us to be. For me to be sad that I can't fix teeth like my dentist is ludicrous! Through this scripture God gives you and me permission to walk in our calling, humbly, always acknowledging where the strength and power comes from, and not fearing man and their approval or rejection of our gift!
I hope I am talking to somebody. I hope that someone struggling, like me, to be confident in who God says they are is reading this post! I long to encourage you! The world NEEDS YOU! I heard someone recently say something like, "if God created only one 'me' then it stands to reason that I am the best 'me' that there is!" Ok I probably butchered that quote but I pray you catch my drift! Dag nabbit!!! BE YOU! Stop being afraid of others judging you for being good at what you do! Walk in it, God made you that way because the buck doesn't stop with you! You are to spread whatever He gave you into everything you say and do. The empowerment of others lies in your hands too! One person at a time you can change the world! I really believe it!
So, if you find yourself today in this predicament, I hope you can take my words to heart. I pray that you begin to have an awareness of the importance of walking in His calling for you! And shoot, if you find yourself on a cynical day, like sometimes I have, and everything I have written here fails to come to memory, then hopefully you can move beyond intimidation by in the very least remembering that she and he poops too! ;)
Friday, April 24, 2015
Press On!
I have four kids! That right there should be it's own blog post!!! hahaha! I am sure that statement in and of itself causes a whirlwind of emotions. Lots of joy, lots of fun, but lots of work and lots of pressure. Even if there is only one child in the family, the experience is all the same. Yes, parenting has taught me so much and I would never want to go back and erase the fact that I have children but geez, its a struggle!!! The hardest thing for me, I think, has been to overcome the temporary bouts of anger and immature fits by continuing to be loving, kind and forgiving. I'll be real, sometimes I get so ticked that I start acting like the child, telling them to leave me alone and to not talk me anymore! Later in the day if they ask me to play with them, read to them or just hold them and sit with them I am more inclined not to because I am still upset about the way they spoke to me or treated me! LOL! As I am writing this I am literally laughing out loud because it feels silly to me now how immature I can be when it comes to that. I turn into one of them! Ugh!
After a while of tackling issues with my children and not seeing the fruit of my labor, it is super easy for me to lose hope and feel defeated. My reaction at this point is the "forget it, I'm done!" attitude. Sadly, this is a dangerous place to be. Why? Because if I follow through with that temptation, I am forfeiting the very thing that I love and for which I have so much passion!
John 10:10 says that Satan comes only to steal, to kill and to destroy. Satan's desire is that I sacrifice all that is important to me, and to God. There is a reason God blessed me with a passion to be a stay-at-home mom. For you, it might be fitness. God may have called you to be a living testimony and a true hope to those struggling with their health and weight issues. If you give up after a while of working hard, and not seeing the fruit of that work as quickly as you expected, trust me...you are not the only one missing the blessing of that work. There is a line of people, appointed by the Lord, waiting to hear about "what you used to be like, what happened, and what you are like now!" (BB pg. 58) Maybe for you it is song writing, cooking, baking, computer programming, overcoming an addiction or fear, or maybe it's writing a book. The list could go on and on. Think of a burning desire God has placed on you. You are not the only one intended to benefit from your pursuit of it! There are parents, grandchildren, chefs, writers, innovators down the line ready to be inspired by YOU and your story!
So you see, for you to give up would bring Satan so much pleasure because your freedom is not the only freedom at stake. There are hundreds and possibly thousands of others you will eventually impact! So I suppose my purpose in writing today is to encourage you to press on and keep on keeping on. If not for your sake, do it for the multitude of people that I am certain God will bring into blessing and promise because of your constant effort and your refusal to quit! Do it for the line of people waiting to hear your testimony!
"So don't get tired of doing what is good! At just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing IF WE DO NOT GIVE UP!" (Galatians 6:9 emphasis mine)
After a while of tackling issues with my children and not seeing the fruit of my labor, it is super easy for me to lose hope and feel defeated. My reaction at this point is the "forget it, I'm done!" attitude. Sadly, this is a dangerous place to be. Why? Because if I follow through with that temptation, I am forfeiting the very thing that I love and for which I have so much passion!
John 10:10 says that Satan comes only to steal, to kill and to destroy. Satan's desire is that I sacrifice all that is important to me, and to God. There is a reason God blessed me with a passion to be a stay-at-home mom. For you, it might be fitness. God may have called you to be a living testimony and a true hope to those struggling with their health and weight issues. If you give up after a while of working hard, and not seeing the fruit of that work as quickly as you expected, trust me...you are not the only one missing the blessing of that work. There is a line of people, appointed by the Lord, waiting to hear about "what you used to be like, what happened, and what you are like now!" (BB pg. 58) Maybe for you it is song writing, cooking, baking, computer programming, overcoming an addiction or fear, or maybe it's writing a book. The list could go on and on. Think of a burning desire God has placed on you. You are not the only one intended to benefit from your pursuit of it! There are parents, grandchildren, chefs, writers, innovators down the line ready to be inspired by YOU and your story!
So you see, for you to give up would bring Satan so much pleasure because your freedom is not the only freedom at stake. There are hundreds and possibly thousands of others you will eventually impact! So I suppose my purpose in writing today is to encourage you to press on and keep on keeping on. If not for your sake, do it for the multitude of people that I am certain God will bring into blessing and promise because of your constant effort and your refusal to quit! Do it for the line of people waiting to hear your testimony!
"So don't get tired of doing what is good! At just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing IF WE DO NOT GIVE UP!" (Galatians 6:9 emphasis mine)
Friday, April 10, 2015
The Angels Sing, Why Not Me
I have a friend who already believed in Jesus as her savior. She was once on fire for the Lord and lead so many into His presence. I guess life hit and for a while she sort of became rather flippant regarding her relationship with Him. However, I began to see a change in her. A true turning back to her first love, Jesus. It was all great! But one day I was on the phone with her and she "DARED to scripture me!!!" Hahaha, yes that was my very thought! And it wasn't like she was correcting me with scripture (which either way should always be welcomed by a loving friend), she was just encouraging me, reminding me of the promises of God!!! LOL, I know, I can be so petty!!! ;)
Thankfully as soon as we got off the phone I was convicted. I even asked myself why in the world I was being so arrogant and judgmental instead of being happy for her and joyful that she had finally started to seek God again as she once did. So of course I asked God to cleanse me of that attitude in my heart. I know He is constantly at work in me. Thank Him!
Not long after that, I was reading the book of Nehemiah. In the story Nehemiah returns to Jerusalem determined to rebuild the city walls. The physical rebuilding of the wall was only the beginning, as Nehemiah had the reformation of God's people on his heart as well. Two mockers soon arrive on the scene. Sanballat and Tobiah stand in opposition to Nehemiah's efforts and basically begin to make comments that sounded to me a lot like the common day phrase, "who the heck does he think he is?" Sound familiar? When I read the jeers, God is His awesome and gentle way showed me again how I had recently been a Sanballat & a Tobiah. I couldn't help but think that I am not the only one that has struggled with this. Tale as old as time, right?
I don't want to live like that! I felt so dirty even thinking that way. How awful that I would even dare to exalt myself in my good day against someone in their bad day. Like Nehemiah, I want to cause a reform too. One where we build each other up instead of tearing each other down. One where, even when someone is so ungodly one day because they just happened to miss the mark (as the bible clearly states that WE ALL DO! Romans 3:23), and comes back the next day on the wings of God himself, that instead of calling Him a hypocrite we would rejoice and give thanks to God that he found his way back to the Lord's intents and purposes. Obviously the problem was not my friend, she actually found her way back to Jesus. The problem was in me, a little thing called PRIDE. Insidious and the root of all sin for sure!
You know...Luke 15:10 says, "There is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over even one person who changes his mind for the better, heartily amending his ways." Clearly, Heaven's atmosphere is one of love, joy and encouragement. If I am truly to pray to God "on earth as it is in Heaven," as Jesus exhorted me to, then surely singing and dancing with the angels over the apparent change in my friend is the only correct response! So this has been my prayer...Lord, help me to don this nature! Holy Spirit, cleanse me from this pride so that I can truly reveal the Love of the Father! Help me to see as you see, do as you do and say as you say everyday in Jesus' name! And if its so that even the Angels sing, then shoot, why not me??
Thankfully as soon as we got off the phone I was convicted. I even asked myself why in the world I was being so arrogant and judgmental instead of being happy for her and joyful that she had finally started to seek God again as she once did. So of course I asked God to cleanse me of that attitude in my heart. I know He is constantly at work in me. Thank Him!
Not long after that, I was reading the book of Nehemiah. In the story Nehemiah returns to Jerusalem determined to rebuild the city walls. The physical rebuilding of the wall was only the beginning, as Nehemiah had the reformation of God's people on his heart as well. Two mockers soon arrive on the scene. Sanballat and Tobiah stand in opposition to Nehemiah's efforts and basically begin to make comments that sounded to me a lot like the common day phrase, "who the heck does he think he is?" Sound familiar? When I read the jeers, God is His awesome and gentle way showed me again how I had recently been a Sanballat & a Tobiah. I couldn't help but think that I am not the only one that has struggled with this. Tale as old as time, right?
I don't want to live like that! I felt so dirty even thinking that way. How awful that I would even dare to exalt myself in my good day against someone in their bad day. Like Nehemiah, I want to cause a reform too. One where we build each other up instead of tearing each other down. One where, even when someone is so ungodly one day because they just happened to miss the mark (as the bible clearly states that WE ALL DO! Romans 3:23), and comes back the next day on the wings of God himself, that instead of calling Him a hypocrite we would rejoice and give thanks to God that he found his way back to the Lord's intents and purposes. Obviously the problem was not my friend, she actually found her way back to Jesus. The problem was in me, a little thing called PRIDE. Insidious and the root of all sin for sure!
You know...Luke 15:10 says, "There is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over even one person who changes his mind for the better, heartily amending his ways." Clearly, Heaven's atmosphere is one of love, joy and encouragement. If I am truly to pray to God "on earth as it is in Heaven," as Jesus exhorted me to, then surely singing and dancing with the angels over the apparent change in my friend is the only correct response! So this has been my prayer...Lord, help me to don this nature! Holy Spirit, cleanse me from this pride so that I can truly reveal the Love of the Father! Help me to see as you see, do as you do and say as you say everyday in Jesus' name! And if its so that even the Angels sing, then shoot, why not me??
Friday, March 27, 2015
Go In and Take Possession
I am a lot less likely to complain about it now but there was a time when I would grumble about certain blessings...the kinds of blessings for which I had to work. I suppose that I always had this expectancy that being truly blessed with something meant that it should be a given, a granted, a "bippity boppity boo!" Anything other than this type of blessing would be, well, no blessing at all! Right??? But then God in His awesomeness, as He always does, highlighted a scripture. Deuteronomy 1:8 says, "Behold, I have set the land before you, GO IN and TAKE POSSESSION..."
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, to possess means to seize and take control of something. Those sounded like action words to me! Yet most of the time when I was blessed with something I would balk at the opportunity to receive it all because a little work would have to be done on my part!!! So petty, I know! You see, what would happen is that I would get a call from someone saying, "hey Monica, I have all this clothes (toys, tools, furniture, food, you name it) that we don't need anymore and I thought to ask if you were interested." I have almost always said yes, because, even though I might have been reluctant to receive it due to a little necessary work on my part, I was smart enough to realize that the end result was that I was being "added-to" and NOT "taken-from." The sad part was that I would be complaining in my heart. Things like, "ugh now I have to wash all this clothes and I literally just got caught up" or "Dude! now I need to drive to pick it up" or "Geez, now I need to move things around in my fridge to make room for all that food!" I know this all sounds ludicrous. I'm just being honest here! But you know what? This is God's way!
I truly believe that most of the time, God's design is that we work for the promise. Now I am not talking about striving to accomplish things in God's kingdom as I hold fast to the belief that, since Christ's death on the cross, we have entered the "New Wine Skin" season, meaning, now we live by grace not the law. Now it's not by anything we do on our own but what the Holy Spirit does on our behalf. That's a post in and of itself which I wont get into here, but it's truth. However, it is still necessary to walk out some principles set before us since old testament times. When God promised the Israelites the land flowing with milk and honey, I wonder if they had thought they would simply enter into this amazing land that would be neatly wrapped in a package with a huge bow on it and that the only effort required was the pulling on the string to unleash the bow. I wonder if when told to go in and take possession and fight and kill all the inhabitants of the land if they once thought, "what kind of a gift is that? You mean we have to battle, sweat, lose lives?" LOL!!! Ok...so...me washing a little extra clothes or preparing food not on my menu that week is so dim in comparison to killing people to take my promise but I hope you catch my drift! Most promises are work people!!! Shocked? Yeah, you're telling me!
Maybe for you it's not the stupidity of complaining that someone just blessed you with a new beautiful couch that you have to go pick up on your only weekend off in a month! Maybe for you it is complaining that you have to dig deeper into the gift and calling God has placed on you. Maybe you worship and you can sing but you really need to take classes in order to step into the fullness of your anointing. Maybe you're called to be a missionary, evangelist, pastor or prophet and God has called you to a season of training and you're like, "If I am called to this then just let me BE this. Why all the work?" Whatever your anointing or calling in life, whether that be "ministry" or secular (which I believe if you're in Christ it is all ministry) like a journalist, writer, actor, dancer, lawyer, teacher or maybe it's a dream you have like beautiful landscaping, a nice car, a nice physique etc...whatever it is...you're, more than likely, going to have to work for it. You're going to have to be disciplined and determined to see it thru.
The amazing thing about it is that you can be sure that although you had to work for it and press into it, it still is very much a blessing! Especially because when put your blood and sweat into something, you tend to care for it and guard it so much more than if it was just handed to you. And honestly, I think learning that part of it is the true blessing, for what good is a promised land if when you receive it, you end up losing it for lack of appreciation towards it, all because you invested nothing into attaining it!
I thank God I learned it! A couple days ago I got a ton of food I gladly drove 20 miles each way to pick up. I also got a washer and dryer for free that I sent my hubby to work for ;) WE DID NOT COMPLAIN! :) And so now this is my constant prayer...Lord, send me the promise I WILL GO IN AND TAKE POSSESSION of it in Jesus' name!
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, to possess means to seize and take control of something. Those sounded like action words to me! Yet most of the time when I was blessed with something I would balk at the opportunity to receive it all because a little work would have to be done on my part!!! So petty, I know! You see, what would happen is that I would get a call from someone saying, "hey Monica, I have all this clothes (toys, tools, furniture, food, you name it) that we don't need anymore and I thought to ask if you were interested." I have almost always said yes, because, even though I might have been reluctant to receive it due to a little necessary work on my part, I was smart enough to realize that the end result was that I was being "added-to" and NOT "taken-from." The sad part was that I would be complaining in my heart. Things like, "ugh now I have to wash all this clothes and I literally just got caught up" or "Dude! now I need to drive to pick it up" or "Geez, now I need to move things around in my fridge to make room for all that food!" I know this all sounds ludicrous. I'm just being honest here! But you know what? This is God's way!
I truly believe that most of the time, God's design is that we work for the promise. Now I am not talking about striving to accomplish things in God's kingdom as I hold fast to the belief that, since Christ's death on the cross, we have entered the "New Wine Skin" season, meaning, now we live by grace not the law. Now it's not by anything we do on our own but what the Holy Spirit does on our behalf. That's a post in and of itself which I wont get into here, but it's truth. However, it is still necessary to walk out some principles set before us since old testament times. When God promised the Israelites the land flowing with milk and honey, I wonder if they had thought they would simply enter into this amazing land that would be neatly wrapped in a package with a huge bow on it and that the only effort required was the pulling on the string to unleash the bow. I wonder if when told to go in and take possession and fight and kill all the inhabitants of the land if they once thought, "what kind of a gift is that? You mean we have to battle, sweat, lose lives?" LOL!!! Ok...so...me washing a little extra clothes or preparing food not on my menu that week is so dim in comparison to killing people to take my promise but I hope you catch my drift! Most promises are work people!!! Shocked? Yeah, you're telling me!
Maybe for you it's not the stupidity of complaining that someone just blessed you with a new beautiful couch that you have to go pick up on your only weekend off in a month! Maybe for you it is complaining that you have to dig deeper into the gift and calling God has placed on you. Maybe you worship and you can sing but you really need to take classes in order to step into the fullness of your anointing. Maybe you're called to be a missionary, evangelist, pastor or prophet and God has called you to a season of training and you're like, "If I am called to this then just let me BE this. Why all the work?" Whatever your anointing or calling in life, whether that be "ministry" or secular (which I believe if you're in Christ it is all ministry) like a journalist, writer, actor, dancer, lawyer, teacher or maybe it's a dream you have like beautiful landscaping, a nice car, a nice physique etc...whatever it is...you're, more than likely, going to have to work for it. You're going to have to be disciplined and determined to see it thru.
The amazing thing about it is that you can be sure that although you had to work for it and press into it, it still is very much a blessing! Especially because when put your blood and sweat into something, you tend to care for it and guard it so much more than if it was just handed to you. And honestly, I think learning that part of it is the true blessing, for what good is a promised land if when you receive it, you end up losing it for lack of appreciation towards it, all because you invested nothing into attaining it!
I thank God I learned it! A couple days ago I got a ton of food I gladly drove 20 miles each way to pick up. I also got a washer and dryer for free that I sent my hubby to work for ;) WE DID NOT COMPLAIN! :) And so now this is my constant prayer...Lord, send me the promise I WILL GO IN AND TAKE POSSESSION of it in Jesus' name!
Friday, March 20, 2015
Your Conscience
I have to admit that writing this blog today feels intimidating. Some of it is due to the fact that I chose not to post anything the last two Fridays during Spring Break vacation. It is hard to get back on the wagon, and quite frankly my initial feeling about it was not to write at all. "What's another week? No one will know any different." But here I am because I made a commitment to myself and THAT is important. One of the first things I learned early on in recovery was that in order to build my self-esteem I have to do "esteemable" acts. Honoring my word, yes even to myself, builds my self-esteem. Failing to do what I said I would do could drive me back into my addiction in no time. Why? Because the alcohol and the drugs are what I used in the past to cover up the yucky feeling I would get day in and day out from simply having lived the previous day in the chaos of bad choices. And it became a cycle. Drink/drug, be stupid, drink and drug to feel better about being stupid! Now its been since January of 2009 that I haven't put a drug in my body with the purpose of altering the way I was feeling about myself. Have I dishonored my word since? Yes I have...I am far from perfect. Thankfully I have been in recovery long enough to have built a new set of coping mechanisms to turn to in the event that I fail to honor my word, or any falling short of God's glory for that matter. The most important of them is to confess my sin and to repent and ask Jesus to forgive me and help me to do better. Next to that there is a full repertoire of things for me to turn to before even thinking of "healing" myself with drugs or alcohol. Thank God!
The other reason writing this post is a little intimidating is because, once again, I plan on being honest about how my soul thinks and processes things. Being authentic is always scary to me. As you can see I am still working on being free from seeking the approval of people. Therefore I WILL post on my originally intended topic, but not today! I feel compelled to continue on my rabbit trail. Because sitting here and writing about the importance to honor my word and do "esteemable" acts in order to feel better about myself, reminds me of something Paul said to Timothy. 1 Timothy 1:18-19 states, "...here are my instructions to you...may they help you fight well in the Lord's battles. Cling to your faith in Christ, and KEEP YOUR CONSCIENCE CLEAR. For SOME people HAVE deliberately VIOLATED their CONSCIENCES, and AS A RESULT THEIR FAITH HAS BEEN SHIPWRECKED."
So, I suppose that for this post I just want to encourage you. Maybe you find yourself driven back, time and again, to that sin which so easily entangles you. For you it might not be drugs or alcohol. For you it might be lying, cheating, promiscuity, over/under eating, spending, gambling, anger, controlling people, places or things etc...there are so many others! Whatever it is that you turn to when the pressure is on, pause and think on it. Ask yourself what you are trying to cover up. For me, the first thing I would feel is inadequacy. And in order to stop feeling inadequate I would get high. For you, eating a dozen donuts might solve the issue (I did this too : | ). Regardless of the coping mechanism of your choice, ask yourself why? Ask the Lord to bring to the light what it is you are trying to hide. He is faithful to show you any area that is not in the light. Once He shows you, purpose to make that your commitment to Him and to yourself. For everyone it is different. Something as simple as yelling at your kids out of frustration might drive you to over-spend in order to help you feel up to par. It honestly doesn't have to be this huge dramatic thing that drives you to feeling inadequate and as a result "shipwrecks your faith." Whatever it is, bring it before sweet Jesus. He is so gentle and kind and is not in any way condemning towards you. He is faithful to cleanse you of ALL unrighteousness!
Maybe you don't know Him yet, and you find yourself skeptical but curious. May I encourage you to simply inquire of Him? Say to Him, "hey Jesus, I desperately want to know if You are real and You really are who Monica says you are." I promise you, wholeheartedly promise you, with unshakable certainty, that He will show himself to you because He wants nothing more than to be your friend and to show you His loving kindness! IT really is better than life!!!
Praise be to Him who brings us from darkness into His marvelous light!!!
With LOVE!
M
The other reason writing this post is a little intimidating is because, once again, I plan on being honest about how my soul thinks and processes things. Being authentic is always scary to me. As you can see I am still working on being free from seeking the approval of people. Therefore I WILL post on my originally intended topic, but not today! I feel compelled to continue on my rabbit trail. Because sitting here and writing about the importance to honor my word and do "esteemable" acts in order to feel better about myself, reminds me of something Paul said to Timothy. 1 Timothy 1:18-19 states, "...here are my instructions to you...may they help you fight well in the Lord's battles. Cling to your faith in Christ, and KEEP YOUR CONSCIENCE CLEAR. For SOME people HAVE deliberately VIOLATED their CONSCIENCES, and AS A RESULT THEIR FAITH HAS BEEN SHIPWRECKED."
So, I suppose that for this post I just want to encourage you. Maybe you find yourself driven back, time and again, to that sin which so easily entangles you. For you it might not be drugs or alcohol. For you it might be lying, cheating, promiscuity, over/under eating, spending, gambling, anger, controlling people, places or things etc...there are so many others! Whatever it is that you turn to when the pressure is on, pause and think on it. Ask yourself what you are trying to cover up. For me, the first thing I would feel is inadequacy. And in order to stop feeling inadequate I would get high. For you, eating a dozen donuts might solve the issue (I did this too : | ). Regardless of the coping mechanism of your choice, ask yourself why? Ask the Lord to bring to the light what it is you are trying to hide. He is faithful to show you any area that is not in the light. Once He shows you, purpose to make that your commitment to Him and to yourself. For everyone it is different. Something as simple as yelling at your kids out of frustration might drive you to over-spend in order to help you feel up to par. It honestly doesn't have to be this huge dramatic thing that drives you to feeling inadequate and as a result "shipwrecks your faith." Whatever it is, bring it before sweet Jesus. He is so gentle and kind and is not in any way condemning towards you. He is faithful to cleanse you of ALL unrighteousness!
Maybe you don't know Him yet, and you find yourself skeptical but curious. May I encourage you to simply inquire of Him? Say to Him, "hey Jesus, I desperately want to know if You are real and You really are who Monica says you are." I promise you, wholeheartedly promise you, with unshakable certainty, that He will show himself to you because He wants nothing more than to be your friend and to show you His loving kindness! IT really is better than life!!!
Praise be to Him who brings us from darkness into His marvelous light!!!
With LOVE!
M
Friday, February 27, 2015
Friends!!! Who needs them???
Seriously! "Friends," pfft...Who needs them right??? JUST KIDDING!!! I'm just kidding, really...but one time I found myself so defeated and frustrated that I actually had that thought! I have spent a lot of my time chasing after people that really just aren't that interested in me. I have goo-ed and gaa-ed over certain people. I don't really know why...maybe because they seemed cool, or because I wanted to soak up their wisdom, or maybe just the fleshly desire to be a part of a higher echelon. I know right? Pretty sick...But no matter how hard I tried they never really felt led to spend time with me. I strived to attain their friendship all to end up exhausted in trying to make something happen that just wasn't there.
Then God, in His really cool way of being, opened my eyes one day and allowed for me to see and be grateful for the multitudes of people who genuinely love me and actually feel attracted to me! Don't get me wrong...I am most certainly NOT saying that those who didn't want to spend time with me were absolute jerks. Not at all! God helped me to see that I and these people simply did not mesh. It wasn't personal.
I truly believe that God, long ago, had assigned certain people to me to breath into, and to breathe in from...the rest weren't meant for me! When I finally realized this I felt so much freedom and peace and blessedness in walking out and nurturing my current relationships...those God sent to me. And it is so cool because these people genuinely liked me and weren't even turned off or scared when I would share my personal "freak-out" moments or my frailties! And that, in my opinion, is pure gold!
And you know what? If some of the things were personal, like maybe I looked too needy, too depressed or too angry or whatever other negative quality you could think of, that is ok too! I also needed to realize that I need to leave my junk at the cross. Only the Holy Spirit can remove those things from me, and sometimes he works excruciatingly slow! When I am in those mindsets I have tried to get rid of them myself yet no matter how hard I try, I fail and I continue on in that funk! But even then, God's promise rings true...that He withholds NOTHING that is good for you! Psalm 84:11 puts it this way, "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." And HOW is my walk made blameless??? Simply by saying yes to Jesus! Receive His sacrifice for all your funky junk and as a result when God sees you He doesn't see the funk, He sees His blameless son!
So, in the end, I suppose that I just want to encourage you. If this is you today, know that God loves you so much that He will not withhold even a good potential friend from you, not one!!! Regardless of your funky junk. In your good and in your bad, those friendships that are good for you in that season, God will surely provide!
In closing, I guess I can sum it up in this...stop jackin' with the divine friendship assignments!
LOVE EVERYONE! CHERISH the ones that are yours!!!
Then God, in His really cool way of being, opened my eyes one day and allowed for me to see and be grateful for the multitudes of people who genuinely love me and actually feel attracted to me! Don't get me wrong...I am most certainly NOT saying that those who didn't want to spend time with me were absolute jerks. Not at all! God helped me to see that I and these people simply did not mesh. It wasn't personal.
I truly believe that God, long ago, had assigned certain people to me to breath into, and to breathe in from...the rest weren't meant for me! When I finally realized this I felt so much freedom and peace and blessedness in walking out and nurturing my current relationships...those God sent to me. And it is so cool because these people genuinely liked me and weren't even turned off or scared when I would share my personal "freak-out" moments or my frailties! And that, in my opinion, is pure gold!
And you know what? If some of the things were personal, like maybe I looked too needy, too depressed or too angry or whatever other negative quality you could think of, that is ok too! I also needed to realize that I need to leave my junk at the cross. Only the Holy Spirit can remove those things from me, and sometimes he works excruciatingly slow! When I am in those mindsets I have tried to get rid of them myself yet no matter how hard I try, I fail and I continue on in that funk! But even then, God's promise rings true...that He withholds NOTHING that is good for you! Psalm 84:11 puts it this way, "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." And HOW is my walk made blameless??? Simply by saying yes to Jesus! Receive His sacrifice for all your funky junk and as a result when God sees you He doesn't see the funk, He sees His blameless son!
So, in the end, I suppose that I just want to encourage you. If this is you today, know that God loves you so much that He will not withhold even a good potential friend from you, not one!!! Regardless of your funky junk. In your good and in your bad, those friendships that are good for you in that season, God will surely provide!
In closing, I guess I can sum it up in this...stop jackin' with the divine friendship assignments!
LOVE EVERYONE! CHERISH the ones that are yours!!!
Friday, February 20, 2015
The Weightier Things
Shortly after the 'Christmas Chaos' I found myself at Walmart experiencing yet another chaos in its own right...'The After Christmas Chaos.' I had to return some things and, as you can imagine, the line at customer service was past the dividers all the way to the bathrooms. I don't know why I decided to stay in line, I usually leave when it is even a semi-long line because, when I am with a five year old doing adult things, everything seems eternal!
As I was standing there, I couldn't help but notice that there was an open register. To the right there were 2 employees fumbling through a cart of things that seemed to have been misplaced during the shopping extravaganza that had occurred a couple of weeks prior. They were intent on getting through the cart, reassigning the items' location and returning them to their place. Not once did either of them glance up to see if the others reps needed help caring for customers. They didn't even look up to reassure us fools in line by saying, "we will be with you shortly!" You know, like saying, "hey I see you, I know you're waiting, I will not forget you're here!" For some reason those comments always give me more peace in the waiting. But nooo, it was as if they purposed to not even look at us sensing that if they did we would interrupt their flow of re-stocking. I wondered, if the manager were to witness the goings on, what he/she would say...Would he encourage his employees to stop and help the customers waiting or would he encourage his employees to continue on ignoring what, in my opinion, is the weightier matter. Now I want to make clear that I am not judging Walmart's management, nor their employees. I wasn't there when the directives were given. I just want to bring to light what I believe the Lord showed me through this experience.
Initially, it reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha. "Martha welcomed Jesus into her home and while her sister, Mary, happily sat at the feet of Jesus listening to His teaching, Martha was occupied and distracted with much serving." (Luke 10:38-40) I wondered how many times I've caused a sensation of neglect over my loved ones for choosing the work over the relationship. How many times have I chosen something that will be there forever over what was temporal? How many times have I denied attention to something on which I could only capitalize if I did it in the moment?
I have small children and of course it reminded me of them first. The moments where I have failed to pause the kitchen cleaning in the evening so I could savor that last hour while they were awake before going to bed. Or the times I've chosen to not go outside to watch them ride their bikes so I could finally vacuum! Or like, literally just this very second as I sit here and write, how my initial response to my youngest calling me from the bathtub to show me his bubble beard and mustache was, "Judah, I am working, you have to wait!" LOL! In case you're wondering, yes, I paused my writing and went! It was instant conviction! I am far from perfect and I struggle with this everyday. So I am not suggesting that you watch me and do as I do! I do not have this system down and I often get caught up in the work and not the relationship.
I thought of how sometimes when I have company I get consumed with cleaning the kitchen as my guest are still here. I selfishly want to have everything clean so that by that by the time they leave I can rest and go to bed. I have gotten so much better at that, thanks to my mom who has gotten me to see how important it is to lend attention to the matter at hand, which in those times are moments of conversations and laughs or even cries with the people in my midst. But dude, it is hard! My flesh can easily take over and I forfeit the relationship.
But isn't that exactly what Satan would want? He comes only to kill, to steal and to destroy. I once heard a bible teacher say that the Greek word for kill here also meant 'sacrifice.' The devil is constantly trying to get us to sacrifice, lay down, give up on the weightier things and so cunningly masks it by making it look essential.
When my husband comes home and he has something on his heart to share, but I literally just got all the kids down and I am finally able to read my book or simply brainlessly peruse my Facebook feed, I am basically choosing what I could come back to later over something I might never get back.
Like I said, I do NOT have this down at all! I have by no means mastered choosing the weightier things. I can at least say I have grown. But really, all I can do is pray that God would continuously help me to do better. In the end, any permanent change in me must be accomplished by the Holy Spirit, otherwise I end up taking the credit and consider myself holier than thou. But it has got me thinking...even to the point of this...
Am I able to set aside even the rules for the sake of compassion? I wonder how much "the right thing according to the rules" has a hold over me? A blatantly obvious scenario, to which I think any of us would positively react, is a child going into the street and a car is coming. Will I run into the street and risk jay walking for the sake of saving this child's life? Of course I would!!! But I would be breaking the law! SOOOO? What if I was driving and witnessed someone on the side of the road getting a beating and I didn't have my Bluetooth and no where to pull over? Would I choose to use my cellphone in the car illegally in favor of the weightier thing? You know...I think these kinds of things are exactly for what Jesus stood. He didn't care it was the Sabbath, if you needed healing, dag nabbit, you would be healed! He didn't care if He was busy, the children wanted to come and He capitalized on that moment. He welcomed them!
I know that condemnation is NOT from the Lord. So feeling ashamed and guilty after reading this is not the desired purpose. Honestly it's just a series of thoughts and challenges I feel like I personally faced that day in Walmart. I don't know if I would have ever broken the rules before, whether placed by the government or by mere society's standards, but I can truthfully say that I would consider it more today than ever before. Do I believe Jesus would be upset or disappointed with me for it? Not in the least!!! I actually believe this is why so many people have such powerful success stories about smuggling bibles into countries that prohibit, BY LAW, their distribution! It is amazing how non-legalistic our God is!
I believe that this year the body of Christ will be awakened to a greater sense of Grace. That we will be less blinded by the law and more inclined to judge each circumstance by the lens of Jesus' compassion. That our actions and responses would be coming from a place of what Jesus would truly do as opposed to what our human understanding has imposed over the years. My prayer is that we would enter into this coming awareness with all the shackles off and that the condemnation that could easily hold us back would be stripped away and we would be free to 'break the rules,' if you will, in light of the weightier things! All for the glory of Christ!
As I was standing there, I couldn't help but notice that there was an open register. To the right there were 2 employees fumbling through a cart of things that seemed to have been misplaced during the shopping extravaganza that had occurred a couple of weeks prior. They were intent on getting through the cart, reassigning the items' location and returning them to their place. Not once did either of them glance up to see if the others reps needed help caring for customers. They didn't even look up to reassure us fools in line by saying, "we will be with you shortly!" You know, like saying, "hey I see you, I know you're waiting, I will not forget you're here!" For some reason those comments always give me more peace in the waiting. But nooo, it was as if they purposed to not even look at us sensing that if they did we would interrupt their flow of re-stocking. I wondered, if the manager were to witness the goings on, what he/she would say...Would he encourage his employees to stop and help the customers waiting or would he encourage his employees to continue on ignoring what, in my opinion, is the weightier matter. Now I want to make clear that I am not judging Walmart's management, nor their employees. I wasn't there when the directives were given. I just want to bring to light what I believe the Lord showed me through this experience.
Initially, it reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha. "Martha welcomed Jesus into her home and while her sister, Mary, happily sat at the feet of Jesus listening to His teaching, Martha was occupied and distracted with much serving." (Luke 10:38-40) I wondered how many times I've caused a sensation of neglect over my loved ones for choosing the work over the relationship. How many times have I chosen something that will be there forever over what was temporal? How many times have I denied attention to something on which I could only capitalize if I did it in the moment?
I have small children and of course it reminded me of them first. The moments where I have failed to pause the kitchen cleaning in the evening so I could savor that last hour while they were awake before going to bed. Or the times I've chosen to not go outside to watch them ride their bikes so I could finally vacuum! Or like, literally just this very second as I sit here and write, how my initial response to my youngest calling me from the bathtub to show me his bubble beard and mustache was, "Judah, I am working, you have to wait!" LOL! In case you're wondering, yes, I paused my writing and went! It was instant conviction! I am far from perfect and I struggle with this everyday. So I am not suggesting that you watch me and do as I do! I do not have this system down and I often get caught up in the work and not the relationship.
I thought of how sometimes when I have company I get consumed with cleaning the kitchen as my guest are still here. I selfishly want to have everything clean so that by that by the time they leave I can rest and go to bed. I have gotten so much better at that, thanks to my mom who has gotten me to see how important it is to lend attention to the matter at hand, which in those times are moments of conversations and laughs or even cries with the people in my midst. But dude, it is hard! My flesh can easily take over and I forfeit the relationship.
But isn't that exactly what Satan would want? He comes only to kill, to steal and to destroy. I once heard a bible teacher say that the Greek word for kill here also meant 'sacrifice.' The devil is constantly trying to get us to sacrifice, lay down, give up on the weightier things and so cunningly masks it by making it look essential.
When my husband comes home and he has something on his heart to share, but I literally just got all the kids down and I am finally able to read my book or simply brainlessly peruse my Facebook feed, I am basically choosing what I could come back to later over something I might never get back.
Like I said, I do NOT have this down at all! I have by no means mastered choosing the weightier things. I can at least say I have grown. But really, all I can do is pray that God would continuously help me to do better. In the end, any permanent change in me must be accomplished by the Holy Spirit, otherwise I end up taking the credit and consider myself holier than thou. But it has got me thinking...even to the point of this...
Am I able to set aside even the rules for the sake of compassion? I wonder how much "the right thing according to the rules" has a hold over me? A blatantly obvious scenario, to which I think any of us would positively react, is a child going into the street and a car is coming. Will I run into the street and risk jay walking for the sake of saving this child's life? Of course I would!!! But I would be breaking the law! SOOOO? What if I was driving and witnessed someone on the side of the road getting a beating and I didn't have my Bluetooth and no where to pull over? Would I choose to use my cellphone in the car illegally in favor of the weightier thing? You know...I think these kinds of things are exactly for what Jesus stood. He didn't care it was the Sabbath, if you needed healing, dag nabbit, you would be healed! He didn't care if He was busy, the children wanted to come and He capitalized on that moment. He welcomed them!
I know that condemnation is NOT from the Lord. So feeling ashamed and guilty after reading this is not the desired purpose. Honestly it's just a series of thoughts and challenges I feel like I personally faced that day in Walmart. I don't know if I would have ever broken the rules before, whether placed by the government or by mere society's standards, but I can truthfully say that I would consider it more today than ever before. Do I believe Jesus would be upset or disappointed with me for it? Not in the least!!! I actually believe this is why so many people have such powerful success stories about smuggling bibles into countries that prohibit, BY LAW, their distribution! It is amazing how non-legalistic our God is!
I believe that this year the body of Christ will be awakened to a greater sense of Grace. That we will be less blinded by the law and more inclined to judge each circumstance by the lens of Jesus' compassion. That our actions and responses would be coming from a place of what Jesus would truly do as opposed to what our human understanding has imposed over the years. My prayer is that we would enter into this coming awareness with all the shackles off and that the condemnation that could easily hold us back would be stripped away and we would be free to 'break the rules,' if you will, in light of the weightier things! All for the glory of Christ!
Friday, February 13, 2015
Debts, Credit Cards, and Tithing...OH MY Part 3
There are so many things that I want to say, but let me just start by saying that God is multifaceted. And even now that I try to describe the fullness of what God is doing in this season, I honestly don't even think I grasp a third of it. Nonetheless, I will share the little I perceive.
First and foremost, God settled the tithing issue. I believe that this was the 1st phase because it is the most important! Any financial blessing, whether it be the provision of a job, the release of one of our credit card debts, or cash gifts, among others, would be completely ineffective if faith and faithfulness in tithing was not first settled in our hearts! That in spite of circumstances, we would tithe no matter what. That in the face of not having, we would still pay the tithe FIRST and trust God for the rest! And you know what's funny about that statement? On January 30th right after I posted part 1, I left my computer on so I can balance my accounts on my budget spreadsheet. All of the sudden I realized I had NOT tithed BEFORE paying out all my bills. We get paid once a month and I sit down once a month and pay all of them at once. Some don't clear until mid-month because some are automatic withdrawals, yet in my spreadsheet they are all accounted for. I felt my heart drop when I realized I hadn't tithed because after balancing my ledger, we only had $391 left for gas and groceries until the END of February!!! And our tithe for this month was a little over that amount! I made the mistake of not tithing FIRST and THEN paying all my bills! But God's grace is sufficient and I know He knows it was an honest mistake. Needless to say, I was left at that very moment with a decision to make. Do I tithe, or do I make the excuse that its apparent that tithing will leave us with literally $0 for the rest of the month. I couldn't help but think that I was being tested for my 'audacity' in posting about how I learned that tithing was a God thing! But yes, I tithed. Was I tempted not to? Absolutely! But how many of you know that to be tempted is NOT a sin! Hallelujah, Praise the Lord! I have to be honest though, I did have some peace in that, in December, when we had received plenty of cash gifts, I put $1000 in savings according to the Dave Ramsey plan. I wish I could tell you that I was super bold in my tithing this month but to be frank, I had a little cushion! Either way, this taught me something. I will make sure that, no matter what, the very first thing that comes out of our paycheck every month will be our tithe payment. Why?? Well because if I don't, I give opportunity to the devil to tempt me. I know well that even in Christ, if I am weak enough on any given day, I can miss the mark. Peter lived with Jesus for crying out loud, and when faced with potential retaliation, he denied Christ 3 times. So who am I to think that I couldn't fall to temptation?
I tithed, and wouldn't you know...God is so super cool?!? Christopher got an additional student plus another student to tutor three nights in a row!!!! I got a job to clean a condo and out of the blue I got several re-orders for my home-based business!!! In addition to that, I got an offer to rent out a property and make a commission!!! That money will be our provision for next month! And to top it all off, I already paid back to my savings account what I borrowed AND TODAY, two weeks into February, we have more money than the original $391 we started with!!! How cool is that?
Phase 2 of this breakthrough had to do with my admittance that I had a problem with this spirit of poverty and under-earning. So many things tie into this, and I don't fully understand all of it and how it manifests, but as I get healed from this I will share more. But admitting I had a problem was a huge breakthrough in that if I still had my head in the sand about it, I would not be able to address it. Truth is, it wasn't until I realized I had a problem that I brought it in prayer before God and before godly family & friends. I actually believe this was a catalyst for my willingness to get rid of all my credit cards in the first place. Admitting I had a problem made the chains more visible and I was able to see the enemy's plan more clearly. Besides...how could God bring me any financial freedom in my debts if when I finally got out of my debts I would continue to operate in this disease of under-earning and a poverty mentality? I would simply slip back into old patterns and be back in debt! He is so faithful!
Phase 3 was the act of actually handing over my credit cards and strictly living off the cash we have in the bank!!! Need I say more?
Phase 4...I am learning to JUST SAY NO! This has a lot to do with my pride. I have had to deny financial support to missionary friends. I have had to let my children know that we can't make so-and-so's birthday this month because we made so-and-so's birthday last month. The same for baby showers and other events that would require we pitch in. We have gotten extremely creative in our meals and less foo-fooey when we have guests. But even more than that, we have learned to say, "thank you," and RECEIVE the help when it has been offered. I think this is one of the hardest parts. It has been a tremendously humbling experience. But you know what???? It is a most marvelous gift because God opposes the proud but gives favor to the humble!!!
Phase 5 and beyond...that is yet to be written! This story is surely not over!!! I have learned that this season in my life is not only about me, but about the freedom God will bring to many as a result of this testimony! In my days of weakness this thought has brought me much peace. When I remember that more people are at stake, for some reason, I find fresh courage to weather the storm! God doesn't play favorites, and I'll say it again...what He did for me He will do for you too IF you let Him!!! God is so good and His faithfulness stretches to the sky!!!
I LOVE you all so much! My heart burns for you to experience His greatness!! In this holiday of Love my prayer for you is that you would be covered in a fresh anointing of His LOVE!!! And that His LOVE, which casts out ALL fear, would be made manifest to you in a new and very tangible way!!
Happy LOVE day to you all! But really...in Christ, everyday is a LOVE day!
First and foremost, God settled the tithing issue. I believe that this was the 1st phase because it is the most important! Any financial blessing, whether it be the provision of a job, the release of one of our credit card debts, or cash gifts, among others, would be completely ineffective if faith and faithfulness in tithing was not first settled in our hearts! That in spite of circumstances, we would tithe no matter what. That in the face of not having, we would still pay the tithe FIRST and trust God for the rest! And you know what's funny about that statement? On January 30th right after I posted part 1, I left my computer on so I can balance my accounts on my budget spreadsheet. All of the sudden I realized I had NOT tithed BEFORE paying out all my bills. We get paid once a month and I sit down once a month and pay all of them at once. Some don't clear until mid-month because some are automatic withdrawals, yet in my spreadsheet they are all accounted for. I felt my heart drop when I realized I hadn't tithed because after balancing my ledger, we only had $391 left for gas and groceries until the END of February!!! And our tithe for this month was a little over that amount! I made the mistake of not tithing FIRST and THEN paying all my bills! But God's grace is sufficient and I know He knows it was an honest mistake. Needless to say, I was left at that very moment with a decision to make. Do I tithe, or do I make the excuse that its apparent that tithing will leave us with literally $0 for the rest of the month. I couldn't help but think that I was being tested for my 'audacity' in posting about how I learned that tithing was a God thing! But yes, I tithed. Was I tempted not to? Absolutely! But how many of you know that to be tempted is NOT a sin! Hallelujah, Praise the Lord! I have to be honest though, I did have some peace in that, in December, when we had received plenty of cash gifts, I put $1000 in savings according to the Dave Ramsey plan. I wish I could tell you that I was super bold in my tithing this month but to be frank, I had a little cushion! Either way, this taught me something. I will make sure that, no matter what, the very first thing that comes out of our paycheck every month will be our tithe payment. Why?? Well because if I don't, I give opportunity to the devil to tempt me. I know well that even in Christ, if I am weak enough on any given day, I can miss the mark. Peter lived with Jesus for crying out loud, and when faced with potential retaliation, he denied Christ 3 times. So who am I to think that I couldn't fall to temptation?
I tithed, and wouldn't you know...God is so super cool?!? Christopher got an additional student plus another student to tutor three nights in a row!!!! I got a job to clean a condo and out of the blue I got several re-orders for my home-based business!!! In addition to that, I got an offer to rent out a property and make a commission!!! That money will be our provision for next month! And to top it all off, I already paid back to my savings account what I borrowed AND TODAY, two weeks into February, we have more money than the original $391 we started with!!! How cool is that?
Phase 2 of this breakthrough had to do with my admittance that I had a problem with this spirit of poverty and under-earning. So many things tie into this, and I don't fully understand all of it and how it manifests, but as I get healed from this I will share more. But admitting I had a problem was a huge breakthrough in that if I still had my head in the sand about it, I would not be able to address it. Truth is, it wasn't until I realized I had a problem that I brought it in prayer before God and before godly family & friends. I actually believe this was a catalyst for my willingness to get rid of all my credit cards in the first place. Admitting I had a problem made the chains more visible and I was able to see the enemy's plan more clearly. Besides...how could God bring me any financial freedom in my debts if when I finally got out of my debts I would continue to operate in this disease of under-earning and a poverty mentality? I would simply slip back into old patterns and be back in debt! He is so faithful!
Phase 3 was the act of actually handing over my credit cards and strictly living off the cash we have in the bank!!! Need I say more?
Phase 4...I am learning to JUST SAY NO! This has a lot to do with my pride. I have had to deny financial support to missionary friends. I have had to let my children know that we can't make so-and-so's birthday this month because we made so-and-so's birthday last month. The same for baby showers and other events that would require we pitch in. We have gotten extremely creative in our meals and less foo-fooey when we have guests. But even more than that, we have learned to say, "thank you," and RECEIVE the help when it has been offered. I think this is one of the hardest parts. It has been a tremendously humbling experience. But you know what???? It is a most marvelous gift because God opposes the proud but gives favor to the humble!!!
Phase 5 and beyond...that is yet to be written! This story is surely not over!!! I have learned that this season in my life is not only about me, but about the freedom God will bring to many as a result of this testimony! In my days of weakness this thought has brought me much peace. When I remember that more people are at stake, for some reason, I find fresh courage to weather the storm! God doesn't play favorites, and I'll say it again...what He did for me He will do for you too IF you let Him!!! God is so good and His faithfulness stretches to the sky!!!
I LOVE you all so much! My heart burns for you to experience His greatness!! In this holiday of Love my prayer for you is that you would be covered in a fresh anointing of His LOVE!!! And that His LOVE, which casts out ALL fear, would be made manifest to you in a new and very tangible way!!
Happy LOVE day to you all! But really...in Christ, everyday is a LOVE day!
Friday, February 6, 2015
Debts, Credit Cards & Tithing...OH MY!!! PART 2
Last week I ended my post by sharing that my husband and I had decided to test God as He entreated us to do so through Malachi 3:10. So in December of 2013 we tithed for the first time in about 8 months. We committed to tithing for the next 3 months. We prayed and asked God to show us if He was in this. If He wasn't, then we would stop tithing after the 3rd month. Well...He was faithful and showed Himself just enough that my husband and I were fully and unshakably convinced that tithing is in fact a principle for today and that there is indeed blessing as a result of this act of faith. But there was one problem, although He showed himself "just enough" to convince us of tithing, it was not, however, "just enough" to put us in a position to not have to borrow money from our credit cards. Now I know that does not sound like much of a blessing but I believe that for this particular breakthrough, God was working in phases.
Right after the tithe in December, we received several money gifts, food from people not wanting their excess to go to waste and even great condition hand-me-downs for the kids and even my husband and I. What's more, my husband got a call from the school district offering him a homebound student, which had not happened in FOR-E-VAH! And although this was great, and did help some, it still was not enough to make ends meet. We were still borrowing from our credit cards, only this time, we were only borrowing 75% of what we had been borrowing, and that, my friends, is still a butt load of money! The coolest thing was, of course, that in spite of there being an obvious deficiency in our finances, questioning giving our tithe was no longer an issue. God faithfully settled that in our hearts and, in my opinion, THAT is a HUGE breakthrough! But that wasn't all.
Somewhere in the middle of 2014, my husband's homebound student was now fit to go to an actual campus and we were back without that extra income. And although in November of 2014 he got a promotion, the stipend he was to receive as a result of said promotion would not kick in until the Fall of 2015!! Needless to say, we were stuck!!!
Throughout the months of 2014 God highlighted different issues in my life. He showed me that I had a spirit of poverty. He also showed me that I had a spiritual disease of being a compulsive under earner. YES these are real conditions of the soul. I won't go into detail only because that topic in and of itself would be its own post (and that may very well be something I do in the future) but for now, just know that these two things placed me in a perpetual state of feeling unworthy and being discontent with what I had, not to mention, plenty of shame and condemnation attached.
I knew from being a recovered alcoholic and drug addict that this was something over which I was powerless. The truth is, if I could have stopped it on my own, I would have a long time ago. But I couldn't. Thankfully, I could now assimilate the effects of these two spiritual diseases over my life, however, I could not, for the life of me, or even just the survival of me, bring myself to break that cycle!!! I needed the ONE who could indeed do something about it, and that ONE is Jesus Christ!!!
I started talking about it more...in prayer. Just like the tithing thing, every chance I got I would go to the prayer team at church or other bible studies and I would ask that they would pray to break this spirit of poverty and under-earning. I would also pray for the release of our debt. That was the only way out. I knew it from experience! I knew that deliverance would come if I humbled myself though prayer before God and man (James 5:16).
On several of those prayer times, I was asked if I still used credit cards. I admitted that I did. They encouraged me to give those up. I accepted that I needed to but I was absolutely terrified to actually do it. Therefore, there was no resolve. And here I was all over again feeling like I was damned if I DID get rid of my credit cards, because I would have no fall back, and I was damned if I didn't, because BEING IN DEBT IS NOT THE WILL OF GOD. Proverbs 22:7 says, "...the BORROWER is a SLAVE to the lender." Yet Jesus said I was free! Romans 13:8 says, "Let NO DEBT REMAIN OUTSTANDING, except the continuing debt to love one another." Yet I had credit card debt galore!
I truly believe that humbling myself by praying over and over again, with amazing godly people, worked overtime. I started to feel a supernatural peace that God was working everything out to completion and that He was faithful to show me what to do! How did I know it was working, you ask??? Well let me tell you! On December 21, 2014 (YES!!! 4 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS), in a most unexpected way, we handed our credit cards to two of the most amazing godly prayer warriors in our church, upon THEIR request!!! LOL! I laugh because it was so weird!!! Who does that?!?! AND me...I just opened my wallet and gave them ALL my credit cards!!! Who does THAT??? But you know what??? It felt so natural. It was time! Somehow, in that very moment, God supernaturally interceded and did for me what forever and a day I could not do for myself!
Now a really cool thing to tell you right now would be for me to say how so amazingly godly and bold I was to hand them over! But honestly, I think Holy Spirit just sort of took over my body, like a robot, because I distinctly remember handing them over and in my head saying, "what the heck are you doing???" HAHAHA!!! But it happened! And then we get in the car and my first comment to my husband is, "well THANK GOD we have already bought our kids Christmas gifts!!!" YEAH I SAID IT!!! Sick right??? But you know what? Immediately after that I was overcome by so much awe and gratefulness! Not only were our prayer warriors bold enough to hold us accountable, but GOD completely stepped in as well and caused me to follow thru on a desire I long had, but no strength to take action to fulfill it!
So here we are again, my beautiful blog family, needing to make this into a PART 3! You don't want to miss it because what happens next, most of which just happened this past week after writing part 1, is insanely amazing!!! See you next week!
SIDE NOTE: There is a lot of information out there about the spirit of poverty and the disease of compulsive under-earning. If this strikes a cord with you I encourage you to look into it. There is a difference between a negative confession of faith that I am poor or not worthy, and asking people to pray because I can admit that there is something that has a hold over me. The former is a pitiful way of thought and the latter is a catalyst to a stance of power. Truth is...you cannot bring to the light of Jesus what you cannot admit that you have in darkness! So don't believe for one second that praying over and over again for deliverance of this is a confession of "oh poor, poor me, I am destitute and lame!" NO! that is just the devil trying to get you to not seek prayer. Pray until something happens!!! I promise He will do for you what He did for me!!!
Right after the tithe in December, we received several money gifts, food from people not wanting their excess to go to waste and even great condition hand-me-downs for the kids and even my husband and I. What's more, my husband got a call from the school district offering him a homebound student, which had not happened in FOR-E-VAH! And although this was great, and did help some, it still was not enough to make ends meet. We were still borrowing from our credit cards, only this time, we were only borrowing 75% of what we had been borrowing, and that, my friends, is still a butt load of money! The coolest thing was, of course, that in spite of there being an obvious deficiency in our finances, questioning giving our tithe was no longer an issue. God faithfully settled that in our hearts and, in my opinion, THAT is a HUGE breakthrough! But that wasn't all.
Somewhere in the middle of 2014, my husband's homebound student was now fit to go to an actual campus and we were back without that extra income. And although in November of 2014 he got a promotion, the stipend he was to receive as a result of said promotion would not kick in until the Fall of 2015!! Needless to say, we were stuck!!!
Throughout the months of 2014 God highlighted different issues in my life. He showed me that I had a spirit of poverty. He also showed me that I had a spiritual disease of being a compulsive under earner. YES these are real conditions of the soul. I won't go into detail only because that topic in and of itself would be its own post (and that may very well be something I do in the future) but for now, just know that these two things placed me in a perpetual state of feeling unworthy and being discontent with what I had, not to mention, plenty of shame and condemnation attached.
I knew from being a recovered alcoholic and drug addict that this was something over which I was powerless. The truth is, if I could have stopped it on my own, I would have a long time ago. But I couldn't. Thankfully, I could now assimilate the effects of these two spiritual diseases over my life, however, I could not, for the life of me, or even just the survival of me, bring myself to break that cycle!!! I needed the ONE who could indeed do something about it, and that ONE is Jesus Christ!!!
I started talking about it more...in prayer. Just like the tithing thing, every chance I got I would go to the prayer team at church or other bible studies and I would ask that they would pray to break this spirit of poverty and under-earning. I would also pray for the release of our debt. That was the only way out. I knew it from experience! I knew that deliverance would come if I humbled myself though prayer before God and man (James 5:16).
On several of those prayer times, I was asked if I still used credit cards. I admitted that I did. They encouraged me to give those up. I accepted that I needed to but I was absolutely terrified to actually do it. Therefore, there was no resolve. And here I was all over again feeling like I was damned if I DID get rid of my credit cards, because I would have no fall back, and I was damned if I didn't, because BEING IN DEBT IS NOT THE WILL OF GOD. Proverbs 22:7 says, "...the BORROWER is a SLAVE to the lender." Yet Jesus said I was free! Romans 13:8 says, "Let NO DEBT REMAIN OUTSTANDING, except the continuing debt to love one another." Yet I had credit card debt galore!
I truly believe that humbling myself by praying over and over again, with amazing godly people, worked overtime. I started to feel a supernatural peace that God was working everything out to completion and that He was faithful to show me what to do! How did I know it was working, you ask??? Well let me tell you! On December 21, 2014 (YES!!! 4 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS), in a most unexpected way, we handed our credit cards to two of the most amazing godly prayer warriors in our church, upon THEIR request!!! LOL! I laugh because it was so weird!!! Who does that?!?! AND me...I just opened my wallet and gave them ALL my credit cards!!! Who does THAT??? But you know what??? It felt so natural. It was time! Somehow, in that very moment, God supernaturally interceded and did for me what forever and a day I could not do for myself!
Now a really cool thing to tell you right now would be for me to say how so amazingly godly and bold I was to hand them over! But honestly, I think Holy Spirit just sort of took over my body, like a robot, because I distinctly remember handing them over and in my head saying, "what the heck are you doing???" HAHAHA!!! But it happened! And then we get in the car and my first comment to my husband is, "well THANK GOD we have already bought our kids Christmas gifts!!!" YEAH I SAID IT!!! Sick right??? But you know what? Immediately after that I was overcome by so much awe and gratefulness! Not only were our prayer warriors bold enough to hold us accountable, but GOD completely stepped in as well and caused me to follow thru on a desire I long had, but no strength to take action to fulfill it!
So here we are again, my beautiful blog family, needing to make this into a PART 3! You don't want to miss it because what happens next, most of which just happened this past week after writing part 1, is insanely amazing!!! See you next week!
SIDE NOTE: There is a lot of information out there about the spirit of poverty and the disease of compulsive under-earning. If this strikes a cord with you I encourage you to look into it. There is a difference between a negative confession of faith that I am poor or not worthy, and asking people to pray because I can admit that there is something that has a hold over me. The former is a pitiful way of thought and the latter is a catalyst to a stance of power. Truth is...you cannot bring to the light of Jesus what you cannot admit that you have in darkness! So don't believe for one second that praying over and over again for deliverance of this is a confession of "oh poor, poor me, I am destitute and lame!" NO! that is just the devil trying to get you to not seek prayer. Pray until something happens!!! I promise He will do for you what He did for me!!!
Friday, January 30, 2015
Debt, Credit Cards & Tithing...Oh My!
I have to start out this post by saying that am very hesitant to even talk about it because I am still in the middle of this issue. Usually I like to share things that I have already overcome. Maybe because I want to assure you of the fact that the end of tight situations really does come. But really, if I am honest, I think its mostly pride. Ha, Ha, Ha!!! Its a lot easier to speak of a hurdle when you've overcome it than when you're smack dab in the middle of it, still wrestling. But I strongly felt led share this with you, not to mention my promise that I would be raw with you and face my fears.
Somewhere close to the beginning of 2013, my husband and I found ourselves without the financial stability we once had. And when I say "financial stability" I am actually talking about simply making just enough money to pay all our bills. I guess for me that was considered financial stability compared to what happened in the remaining portion of 2013 and even into 2014. Things were ok. My husband had a fulltime job in education and a second job teaching homebound students after school hours at their home. Yes we had a lot a debt, but fortunately and thankfully, what he was making all together was enough to cover all our expenses including our credit card payments. But something happened. The homebound students stopped coming in and extra tutoring jobs he would get here and there stopped too. Suddenly we found ourselves about $1,000 short every month. I felt asphyxiated, helpless and demoralized. It was a pitiful experience. What made it more pitiful was the fact that tithing to my church became questionable.
If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I would ever give up tithing I would have told you that you were crazy! I loved tithing. I would get so excited to write the checks and give the money away. I'm not kidding!! I would giggle and be so giddy at the thought that I would be able to give this money to my church home. It was a natural and completely unquestionable way of doing life for me. As a matter of fact, I had been tithing since I was saved. The revelation of it being God's will for me to give Him back 10% of my increase, was given to me at the onset of my walk with Jesus, so....for me to even have a thought that there would ever be a day I would NOT tithe was unimaginable. Yet against all odds that day came.
I couldn't make sense out of tithing what I didn't have to tithe. I had bills to pay! We were already short as it was and now, I had to give even more of what I didn't have? I physically felt suffocated by the truth of our lack and morally and emotionally suffocated by the truth that, what once brought me joy was now hanging in the balance. How could I ever question tithing? How could I even think of withholding from God what I had always believed was the right thing to do??? Yet here I was actually considering not giving our tithe.
"Considering" not tithing quickly became not tithing itself and we were off to a blissful land of plenty! NOT! Things didn't feel right. And even though we found scriptural teachings that said tithing was not for today, I still felt lots of guilt and shame. I couldn't tithe and I couldn't NOT tithe. I quickly wanted to quit every team on which I belonged at the church. Principles our church was teaching were not being upheld so why should I be praying for people or leading worship? What kind of message would I be sending? It was terrible!
Amazingly in the midst of it all, one day, God suddenly came down and gave me peace. It was weird! How could I have peace not tithing? I truly believe God wanted for me to have a true heart conviction. That I wasn't just going to tithe because I knew in my head it was the right thing to do, but because I believed in it with my whole heart again. I believe He wanted me to seek Him. I believe that the peace He gave me was simply GRACE so that I could rest in Him while my heart was being mended and worked on. As I continued not tithing, I would still seek out prayer over the issue. I wanted the truth! I was desperate to know the truth. Praying about it made me humble. The more people I prayed with, the more peace I felt. I knew that God knew my heart and that I truly wanted to do what HE wanted me to do, yet I was conflicted. Why would God want me to tithe what I don't have? Why would He want me to give and put my family at risk? These were only some of the questions that would come into mind.
Toward the end of 2013 we borrowed a teaching series from our church that expanded on the 'why' of tithing. We only watched 3 of I think 7 DVDs total and it started to slowly work on my heart. I think it reminded me of all the reasons why I started tithing in the first place. One of the things this pastor mentioned was Malachi 3:10 that says, "Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my temple. If you do, says the Lord, I will open the windows of Heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!" Off the top of my head, I don't recall if the pastor in the series mentioned this scripture on video 3 or in the two before, but I am assuming he did because when it was over my husband and I said to each other, "Let's put Him to the test as he says to! Let's commit to tithe for the next three months and if we don't see Him move we will quit." This was a scripture I had heard several times before. It certainly was not anything new to me yet it seemed like a novel idea! And so we did! We went for it! Our Father surely DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!!
I want to tell you all about what happened next but there are so many other things and lessons learned that are attached to it. Things that my husband and I, now in 2015, are still going thru. So it would be way too long of a post to put it all here, but I will continue next week! I hope you come back to read about what happened next!!!
In the meantime, I want to say this...if you find yourself in a similar struggle of knowing whether or not to tithe, please do not feel any condemnation. That is NOT from God. Guilt and shame are NOT from the Lord!!! God wants you to give with a cheerful heart and not one of fear that all hell will break loose in your life. I encourage you to ask the people in your church to pray for you, even if it is embarrassing, like it was for me at first, to admit that you are questioning tithing. In my experience, the more I prayed the more humble I became and the bible says that God exalts the humble! I truly believe that!!! Hold on tight...He always reveals and always breaks through! Sometimes He breaks through A LOT slower than I would want Him to NEVERTHELESS, He is ALWAYS GOOD and if anything, He delays His breakthroughs so that when we finally DO get to that promise land our character and integrity are equipped and soo built up that we can manage the blessing without the blessing becoming an idol. I really believe that!
From me to you with so much Love! See you next week!
Somewhere close to the beginning of 2013, my husband and I found ourselves without the financial stability we once had. And when I say "financial stability" I am actually talking about simply making just enough money to pay all our bills. I guess for me that was considered financial stability compared to what happened in the remaining portion of 2013 and even into 2014. Things were ok. My husband had a fulltime job in education and a second job teaching homebound students after school hours at their home. Yes we had a lot a debt, but fortunately and thankfully, what he was making all together was enough to cover all our expenses including our credit card payments. But something happened. The homebound students stopped coming in and extra tutoring jobs he would get here and there stopped too. Suddenly we found ourselves about $1,000 short every month. I felt asphyxiated, helpless and demoralized. It was a pitiful experience. What made it more pitiful was the fact that tithing to my church became questionable.
If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I would ever give up tithing I would have told you that you were crazy! I loved tithing. I would get so excited to write the checks and give the money away. I'm not kidding!! I would giggle and be so giddy at the thought that I would be able to give this money to my church home. It was a natural and completely unquestionable way of doing life for me. As a matter of fact, I had been tithing since I was saved. The revelation of it being God's will for me to give Him back 10% of my increase, was given to me at the onset of my walk with Jesus, so....for me to even have a thought that there would ever be a day I would NOT tithe was unimaginable. Yet against all odds that day came.
I couldn't make sense out of tithing what I didn't have to tithe. I had bills to pay! We were already short as it was and now, I had to give even more of what I didn't have? I physically felt suffocated by the truth of our lack and morally and emotionally suffocated by the truth that, what once brought me joy was now hanging in the balance. How could I ever question tithing? How could I even think of withholding from God what I had always believed was the right thing to do??? Yet here I was actually considering not giving our tithe.
"Considering" not tithing quickly became not tithing itself and we were off to a blissful land of plenty! NOT! Things didn't feel right. And even though we found scriptural teachings that said tithing was not for today, I still felt lots of guilt and shame. I couldn't tithe and I couldn't NOT tithe. I quickly wanted to quit every team on which I belonged at the church. Principles our church was teaching were not being upheld so why should I be praying for people or leading worship? What kind of message would I be sending? It was terrible!
Amazingly in the midst of it all, one day, God suddenly came down and gave me peace. It was weird! How could I have peace not tithing? I truly believe God wanted for me to have a true heart conviction. That I wasn't just going to tithe because I knew in my head it was the right thing to do, but because I believed in it with my whole heart again. I believe He wanted me to seek Him. I believe that the peace He gave me was simply GRACE so that I could rest in Him while my heart was being mended and worked on. As I continued not tithing, I would still seek out prayer over the issue. I wanted the truth! I was desperate to know the truth. Praying about it made me humble. The more people I prayed with, the more peace I felt. I knew that God knew my heart and that I truly wanted to do what HE wanted me to do, yet I was conflicted. Why would God want me to tithe what I don't have? Why would He want me to give and put my family at risk? These were only some of the questions that would come into mind.
Toward the end of 2013 we borrowed a teaching series from our church that expanded on the 'why' of tithing. We only watched 3 of I think 7 DVDs total and it started to slowly work on my heart. I think it reminded me of all the reasons why I started tithing in the first place. One of the things this pastor mentioned was Malachi 3:10 that says, "Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my temple. If you do, says the Lord, I will open the windows of Heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!" Off the top of my head, I don't recall if the pastor in the series mentioned this scripture on video 3 or in the two before, but I am assuming he did because when it was over my husband and I said to each other, "Let's put Him to the test as he says to! Let's commit to tithe for the next three months and if we don't see Him move we will quit." This was a scripture I had heard several times before. It certainly was not anything new to me yet it seemed like a novel idea! And so we did! We went for it! Our Father surely DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!!
I want to tell you all about what happened next but there are so many other things and lessons learned that are attached to it. Things that my husband and I, now in 2015, are still going thru. So it would be way too long of a post to put it all here, but I will continue next week! I hope you come back to read about what happened next!!!
In the meantime, I want to say this...if you find yourself in a similar struggle of knowing whether or not to tithe, please do not feel any condemnation. That is NOT from God. Guilt and shame are NOT from the Lord!!! God wants you to give with a cheerful heart and not one of fear that all hell will break loose in your life. I encourage you to ask the people in your church to pray for you, even if it is embarrassing, like it was for me at first, to admit that you are questioning tithing. In my experience, the more I prayed the more humble I became and the bible says that God exalts the humble! I truly believe that!!! Hold on tight...He always reveals and always breaks through! Sometimes He breaks through A LOT slower than I would want Him to NEVERTHELESS, He is ALWAYS GOOD and if anything, He delays His breakthroughs so that when we finally DO get to that promise land our character and integrity are equipped and soo built up that we can manage the blessing without the blessing becoming an idol. I really believe that!
From me to you with so much Love! See you next week!
Friday, January 23, 2015
Testimony
During the Christmas season I made gift baskets so I could sell them to businesses and current customers. I was honestly a lot terrified because most of my stops would be with people I have never met before. I was basically "cold calling" but in person! Here is a definition of cold calling: "a technique whereby a salesperson contacts individuals who have NOT PREVIOUSLY EXPRESSED AN INTEREST in the products or services being offered. I don't know about you but that sounds a little scary to me. But you know what? I did it anyway. I did it for my family so I could hopefully pay for our Christmas out of the increase.
The first and second day went really well. I was so happy and surprised at how many people really enjoyed looking at the product and getting excited to bless someone special in their lives! It was a great feeling! I loved it!
So, I went out again, but, on this day, my sales weren't too hot. I was definitely disappointed, especially because I had to take time away from my beautiful kids and my amazing husband. I sat there and thought for a while about how I was still thankful because I had at least done my part. Not many people wanted things that day and that was ok because I followed thru with my commitment to myself. Coming to this place of acceptance was good, and I felt peace, however, greater joy came after I got off the phone with my director.
She referenced the fact that she was so proud of me for overcoming the fear of simply getting out of my car. YES, I had shared with our team one day how getting out of the car was the hardest part. And so she commended me for just having done that. And Suddenly, it dawns on me that something so much greater was revealed and I was overjoyed! When I got off the phone I began to praise the Lord and thank Him for being so good to me.
You see...early on in my recovery from Alcohol and Drug addiction, as I was learning to live with out them, I would leave my house to run errands only to come back having not fulfilled one of them, NOT ONE! What would happen was that I would drive to these different stores to accomplish my tasks only to find myself absolutely terrified in the parking lot, sitting in my car completely paralyzed and unable to get out. I would park, wait for 10 minutes, drive off, come back, park again, wait another 10 or 15 minutes and then leave completely defeated and not having ever entered the store. This would happen over and over again. I would even go as far as going to the first store, do the whole "park and leave" thing, and think to myself that if I went to another store on my list first I would feel better and come back to this one. But I would go to the other store and the same stupid cycle would happen there!!! It was awful!
I had gotten so used to the way I did life prior to being sober that any event, without me being high in some way, was unbearable. I used to drive to the mall with a beer in my hand, another one wrapped in foil so that, while I went in really quickly to purchase what I was looking for, it wouldn't get cold. Then on my way out I would stop by the bar at the cheesecake factory and order a shot to validate my valet parking spot!!! Then it was back to the car, pop open the foil-wrapped beer and head out! If there was ever a time that I did do something sober, during my drinking and using days, I would do it with sunglasses on my face. For some reason that felt safe then.
But OH MY GOSH!!! Here I am, basically going door to door offering products to people who have NOT PREVIOOUSLY EXPRESSED AN INTEREST in them!!! AND I WAS SOBER!!! That is so huge!!! Look at what my amazing Father did for me! I was free! When I got off the phone with my director and I realized it, I was overwhelmed with joy and gratefulness to my God, my Lord Jesus! That was huge for me! This day went down in history as a victory! In spite of the fact that I didn't sell much at all, it was a WIN!
Now telling you this story in and of itself is a great testimony, but I can't write off until I've said this one last thing...There is a scripture in the Book of Revelation that says that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. And I believe that 100%! I believe that giving a testimony is prophesying that the very thing He did for me, he can do for you too! If you are struggling with addiction and this hell of a prison, reach out to Jesus! It says in His word that He is not a respecter of persons, which means that He plays no favorites...I am no more special than you, and if He did it for me, He wants to do it for you too, if you allow Him!!! So call out to Him, just say His name if that's all you can bring yourself to do, He is faithful!!! Watch Him Move!!!
The first and second day went really well. I was so happy and surprised at how many people really enjoyed looking at the product and getting excited to bless someone special in their lives! It was a great feeling! I loved it!
So, I went out again, but, on this day, my sales weren't too hot. I was definitely disappointed, especially because I had to take time away from my beautiful kids and my amazing husband. I sat there and thought for a while about how I was still thankful because I had at least done my part. Not many people wanted things that day and that was ok because I followed thru with my commitment to myself. Coming to this place of acceptance was good, and I felt peace, however, greater joy came after I got off the phone with my director.
She referenced the fact that she was so proud of me for overcoming the fear of simply getting out of my car. YES, I had shared with our team one day how getting out of the car was the hardest part. And so she commended me for just having done that. And Suddenly, it dawns on me that something so much greater was revealed and I was overjoyed! When I got off the phone I began to praise the Lord and thank Him for being so good to me.
You see...early on in my recovery from Alcohol and Drug addiction, as I was learning to live with out them, I would leave my house to run errands only to come back having not fulfilled one of them, NOT ONE! What would happen was that I would drive to these different stores to accomplish my tasks only to find myself absolutely terrified in the parking lot, sitting in my car completely paralyzed and unable to get out. I would park, wait for 10 minutes, drive off, come back, park again, wait another 10 or 15 minutes and then leave completely defeated and not having ever entered the store. This would happen over and over again. I would even go as far as going to the first store, do the whole "park and leave" thing, and think to myself that if I went to another store on my list first I would feel better and come back to this one. But I would go to the other store and the same stupid cycle would happen there!!! It was awful!
I had gotten so used to the way I did life prior to being sober that any event, without me being high in some way, was unbearable. I used to drive to the mall with a beer in my hand, another one wrapped in foil so that, while I went in really quickly to purchase what I was looking for, it wouldn't get cold. Then on my way out I would stop by the bar at the cheesecake factory and order a shot to validate my valet parking spot!!! Then it was back to the car, pop open the foil-wrapped beer and head out! If there was ever a time that I did do something sober, during my drinking and using days, I would do it with sunglasses on my face. For some reason that felt safe then.
But OH MY GOSH!!! Here I am, basically going door to door offering products to people who have NOT PREVIOOUSLY EXPRESSED AN INTEREST in them!!! AND I WAS SOBER!!! That is so huge!!! Look at what my amazing Father did for me! I was free! When I got off the phone with my director and I realized it, I was overwhelmed with joy and gratefulness to my God, my Lord Jesus! That was huge for me! This day went down in history as a victory! In spite of the fact that I didn't sell much at all, it was a WIN!
Now telling you this story in and of itself is a great testimony, but I can't write off until I've said this one last thing...There is a scripture in the Book of Revelation that says that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. And I believe that 100%! I believe that giving a testimony is prophesying that the very thing He did for me, he can do for you too! If you are struggling with addiction and this hell of a prison, reach out to Jesus! It says in His word that He is not a respecter of persons, which means that He plays no favorites...I am no more special than you, and if He did it for me, He wants to do it for you too, if you allow Him!!! So call out to Him, just say His name if that's all you can bring yourself to do, He is faithful!!! Watch Him Move!!!
Friday, January 16, 2015
Beauty is Such a Mess!!!
A few months ago I did a series of Sozo Inner Healing sessions. For those of you who are not familiar with it, it is basically a counseling session where prayer and the direction of the Holy Spirit take the lead. It is an amazing experience, and if you have not done one I greatly encourage you to do so! I love it because sometimes things get highlighted by the Holy Spirit that I didn't even know were in me. Other times I would come in with a personal hang-up and we would walk through it by prayer and God would reveal the root of it. I always left healed and drawn closer to Jesus.
One time I walked in wanting to be freed from this bondage of cleaning and having everything look good before I could sit down and enjoy some relaxing time. My children would ask me to do things with them or they would ask me if they could paint or play with playdoh and I would freeze up and get sooo tense. You would think they had asked me if they could destroy the kitchen. You see, in my mind, the mess that occurs during them "playing" is a MAJOR disaster. In my mind, when they ask to go outside on a rainy day, all I am thinking about is BIG CLUMPS of mud and NASTY HUGE WET leaves they are going to track into the house. In my mind, when they say they want to play outside with water, all I am thinking is that they are going to make a BIG HUGE MUD LAKE, get in it, and they will be SMOTHERED in mud. In my mind, when they ask to paint all I see is MY WHOLE KITCHEN TURNING INTO THE WORLD'S LARGEST PICASSO PAINTING. It feels as if there is absolutely no remedy at all to those things. So "no" was a very common response.
I didn't like it! I did not like that I would say no or be anxious all the time when asked to sit with them to play a game, as if the house were to fall down if I had stopped doing, doing, doing. At times I felt suffocated and guilty that I wasn't enjoying the moment and treasuring their presence. It became a nasty cycle of "if I sit and stop cleaning, the house will be a mess and I'll be anxious, so I won't sit, to avoid being anxious. Then I would say, "if I don't sit, I will feel guilty for not stopping and enjoying the moment." It was a true prison where I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. And it drove me to exhaustion!
As you can imagine, when I walked in to my session I was adamant about getting this stuff kicked to the curb! I was tired and oppressed and I wanted out!!! We began to pray, worship music playing, questions asked, emotions revealed and somewhere in the middle of it all, God began to speak to my spirit and He said, "Beauty is messy!" He then gave me a vision. Several different scenes popped up in my mind but two were prominent. The first was a construction site. There was rubble everywhere! Dust from the materials was flying through the air and the construction workers were covered in it. There was an ugly fence containing it all to keep it from going out of bounds. And when I first looked at the half-built structure I couldn't make out exactly what the building was to be. Then suddenly all the dirt and chaos was gone, the fence was removed and before me stood a beautiful building made with so much precision and architectural skill! It was gorgeous! But the next scene in my mind was even better!!! God took me to a room in heaven. It was called the Creation Room. As I walked in all I could see was scraps of material flung everywhere. Kind of like that scene in Edward Scissor-hands when he cuts the bushes into amazing pieces of art. Things were flying everywhere! I stepped to the side of His presence to see what exactly was being created and, lo and behold! It was a human! It was us!!! Then He spoke into my spirit, "the mess before the finished product is simply a part of how we do things here!" And in the most gentle way He added, "for you to go against that is to go against the way I set things up." Geez! Just writing this makes me cry, so you know I was bawling at the scene! Something clicked in me that very moment and liberated me to have fun and make messes! It is a lot easier for me do move forward with something when I know it's God's way.
Now, I wish I could tell you that I never say, "No." And to be honest with you I don't think God was saying to say 'yes' to every God forsaken idea my children came up with, after all we are just making something beautiful, RIGHT??? NO! Not at all! The scriptures also say that there is a time and a place for everything. What I can say is that I am a whole lot less reluctant to let them explore and "take things out of the box," so to speak. I am far from having perfected this concept, but I see growth in me. Shoot! I can actually leave dirty dishes in the sink now and sit and watch T.V.! I can actually even sit through a whole movie now without getting up several times to pick something up! I do fail, I have to admit, and if you ask my kids they may even concur. But I know that God shared a truth with me that day that most certainly debunked the lie I had clung to, and now I can say (sometimes with gritted teeth, LOL) that it's ok because its supposed to be messy!!!
One time I walked in wanting to be freed from this bondage of cleaning and having everything look good before I could sit down and enjoy some relaxing time. My children would ask me to do things with them or they would ask me if they could paint or play with playdoh and I would freeze up and get sooo tense. You would think they had asked me if they could destroy the kitchen. You see, in my mind, the mess that occurs during them "playing" is a MAJOR disaster. In my mind, when they ask to go outside on a rainy day, all I am thinking about is BIG CLUMPS of mud and NASTY HUGE WET leaves they are going to track into the house. In my mind, when they say they want to play outside with water, all I am thinking is that they are going to make a BIG HUGE MUD LAKE, get in it, and they will be SMOTHERED in mud. In my mind, when they ask to paint all I see is MY WHOLE KITCHEN TURNING INTO THE WORLD'S LARGEST PICASSO PAINTING. It feels as if there is absolutely no remedy at all to those things. So "no" was a very common response.
I didn't like it! I did not like that I would say no or be anxious all the time when asked to sit with them to play a game, as if the house were to fall down if I had stopped doing, doing, doing. At times I felt suffocated and guilty that I wasn't enjoying the moment and treasuring their presence. It became a nasty cycle of "if I sit and stop cleaning, the house will be a mess and I'll be anxious, so I won't sit, to avoid being anxious. Then I would say, "if I don't sit, I will feel guilty for not stopping and enjoying the moment." It was a true prison where I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. And it drove me to exhaustion!
As you can imagine, when I walked in to my session I was adamant about getting this stuff kicked to the curb! I was tired and oppressed and I wanted out!!! We began to pray, worship music playing, questions asked, emotions revealed and somewhere in the middle of it all, God began to speak to my spirit and He said, "Beauty is messy!" He then gave me a vision. Several different scenes popped up in my mind but two were prominent. The first was a construction site. There was rubble everywhere! Dust from the materials was flying through the air and the construction workers were covered in it. There was an ugly fence containing it all to keep it from going out of bounds. And when I first looked at the half-built structure I couldn't make out exactly what the building was to be. Then suddenly all the dirt and chaos was gone, the fence was removed and before me stood a beautiful building made with so much precision and architectural skill! It was gorgeous! But the next scene in my mind was even better!!! God took me to a room in heaven. It was called the Creation Room. As I walked in all I could see was scraps of material flung everywhere. Kind of like that scene in Edward Scissor-hands when he cuts the bushes into amazing pieces of art. Things were flying everywhere! I stepped to the side of His presence to see what exactly was being created and, lo and behold! It was a human! It was us!!! Then He spoke into my spirit, "the mess before the finished product is simply a part of how we do things here!" And in the most gentle way He added, "for you to go against that is to go against the way I set things up." Geez! Just writing this makes me cry, so you know I was bawling at the scene! Something clicked in me that very moment and liberated me to have fun and make messes! It is a lot easier for me do move forward with something when I know it's God's way.
Now, I wish I could tell you that I never say, "No." And to be honest with you I don't think God was saying to say 'yes' to every God forsaken idea my children came up with, after all we are just making something beautiful, RIGHT??? NO! Not at all! The scriptures also say that there is a time and a place for everything. What I can say is that I am a whole lot less reluctant to let them explore and "take things out of the box," so to speak. I am far from having perfected this concept, but I see growth in me. Shoot! I can actually leave dirty dishes in the sink now and sit and watch T.V.! I can actually even sit through a whole movie now without getting up several times to pick something up! I do fail, I have to admit, and if you ask my kids they may even concur. But I know that God shared a truth with me that day that most certainly debunked the lie I had clung to, and now I can say (sometimes with gritted teeth, LOL) that it's ok because its supposed to be messy!!!
Friday, January 9, 2015
Chosen
About a month ago, a friend of 20 years asked me to be her Matron of Honor. Of course I was excited to do it and honored that she would ask me! Especially because our contact has been very limited. She moved to California then recently to Austin and started a life. I stayed in San Antonio and started my own. I hadn't seen her in a really long time. We had spoken a few times here and there but quite honestly, in my mind, it wasn't to where I deserved by any means to be her Matron of Honor. I suppose her thoughts were different.
Days and months went by and in all that time my only task was to get my dress she bought for me. It is a gorgeous dress and to top it all off, it's PURPLE, a color that has huge prophetic meaning to me in this season of my life. So as you can imagine I was ecstatic!
The rehearsal dinner was finally here and I was hitching a ride to Austin with her sister-in-law, Cindy. When Cindy called me to settle logistics for pick up, she asked me a question that got my head spinning in all sorts of directions and instantly placed a yoke of guilt and shame over me. "Monica, do you know if Melynda has her something new, something borrowed and something blue?" Boom!!! Right then and there my heart sank and I even got flushed with embarrassment!!!
Oh my gosh!!! What had I done?? Or more accurately...look at everything I HAVE NOT DONE!!! As soon as I hung up I went to Bing and looked up all the responsibilities of a Matron of Honor. I was horrified!!! I did none, not one, of those things listed, from going to the food tasting to helping her shop for her dress, nothing, NOTHING!!! I couldn't believe it! The worst part is that it never even occurred to me to look up what my duties were! I never once said, "hmmm, how can I help my friend?" I felt awful to say the least. Of course I called Melynda straight away and told her how I realized that I probably had certain responsibilities about which I didn't even offer to do anything. I told her how sorry I was and that I loved her. She was so full of kindness and love that I all I could do was sit in humility and accept her grace towards me.
When the big day was said and done, I can't even count how many people came up to me to thank me for being such a good matron of honor, each expressing how Melynda had mentioned what an amazing help I had been. All I could do was nod and say, "thank you." Every now and then I would add, "but really I did nothing!" Apparently Melynda felt differently.
As I sat and pondered it all, I couldn't help but notice the Lord speaking to me so gently about how much He loves me, and about how this whole thing with Melynda's wedding was just a prophetic utterance of how it is with Him towards me! You see, I may not have done anything a Matron of Honor should do and I certainly wasn't qualified to be a Matron of Honor based on the fact that I didn't even realize that I had certain jobs to accomplish. BUT I WAS CHOSEN! She chose me! We hadn't talked often, we hadn't caught up as much as I would think a best friend should but she chose me anyway. And that's exactly what I felt Jesus was saying to me! "Monica I love you! I chose you, regardless of your past, I chose YOU! Your striving and obsessiveness in trying to please me is really unnecessary because since BEFORE I even formed you in the womb, I already knew and APPROVED of you (as my chosen instrument), and BEFORE you were born I separated you and set you apart and consecrated you!!!" Well, as you can imagine, I cried my eyes out, completely humbled by the love of my dad, my savior, my all in all.
And as if Melynda's show of grace wasn't enough, as my Matron gift she bought me a book I have been yearning to own! HA! Did I deserve it? NO! Did I earn it? Absolutely not! It was a gift, underserved and unearned, much like His grace is toward you and me! Praise be to GOD!!!!
Days and months went by and in all that time my only task was to get my dress she bought for me. It is a gorgeous dress and to top it all off, it's PURPLE, a color that has huge prophetic meaning to me in this season of my life. So as you can imagine I was ecstatic!
The rehearsal dinner was finally here and I was hitching a ride to Austin with her sister-in-law, Cindy. When Cindy called me to settle logistics for pick up, she asked me a question that got my head spinning in all sorts of directions and instantly placed a yoke of guilt and shame over me. "Monica, do you know if Melynda has her something new, something borrowed and something blue?" Boom!!! Right then and there my heart sank and I even got flushed with embarrassment!!!
Oh my gosh!!! What had I done?? Or more accurately...look at everything I HAVE NOT DONE!!! As soon as I hung up I went to Bing and looked up all the responsibilities of a Matron of Honor. I was horrified!!! I did none, not one, of those things listed, from going to the food tasting to helping her shop for her dress, nothing, NOTHING!!! I couldn't believe it! The worst part is that it never even occurred to me to look up what my duties were! I never once said, "hmmm, how can I help my friend?" I felt awful to say the least. Of course I called Melynda straight away and told her how I realized that I probably had certain responsibilities about which I didn't even offer to do anything. I told her how sorry I was and that I loved her. She was so full of kindness and love that I all I could do was sit in humility and accept her grace towards me.
When the big day was said and done, I can't even count how many people came up to me to thank me for being such a good matron of honor, each expressing how Melynda had mentioned what an amazing help I had been. All I could do was nod and say, "thank you." Every now and then I would add, "but really I did nothing!" Apparently Melynda felt differently.
As I sat and pondered it all, I couldn't help but notice the Lord speaking to me so gently about how much He loves me, and about how this whole thing with Melynda's wedding was just a prophetic utterance of how it is with Him towards me! You see, I may not have done anything a Matron of Honor should do and I certainly wasn't qualified to be a Matron of Honor based on the fact that I didn't even realize that I had certain jobs to accomplish. BUT I WAS CHOSEN! She chose me! We hadn't talked often, we hadn't caught up as much as I would think a best friend should but she chose me anyway. And that's exactly what I felt Jesus was saying to me! "Monica I love you! I chose you, regardless of your past, I chose YOU! Your striving and obsessiveness in trying to please me is really unnecessary because since BEFORE I even formed you in the womb, I already knew and APPROVED of you (as my chosen instrument), and BEFORE you were born I separated you and set you apart and consecrated you!!!" Well, as you can imagine, I cried my eyes out, completely humbled by the love of my dad, my savior, my all in all.
And as if Melynda's show of grace wasn't enough, as my Matron gift she bought me a book I have been yearning to own! HA! Did I deserve it? NO! Did I earn it? Absolutely not! It was a gift, underserved and unearned, much like His grace is toward you and me! Praise be to GOD!!!!
Friday, January 2, 2015
New Year's What?
Oh boy...it has been a very looooong time since I've seen this place! It feels good and scary all at the same time. But here goes nothing. I decided about a month ago, through prayer and lots of procrastination, that I would pick up writing in my blog again. I don't know why, but I know that I know that I know that it is time. My writing before is different from the way it will be this time. Or so I think. This time I don't plan on consistently trying to drive a point home, although that may very well happen sometimes. Honestly, I feel that this time it is more about just writing and being diligent. So forgive me if you happen to stumble on my page one day and it's not something super encouraging or deep. Nevertheless, I promise to be as real and uncomfortably raw as possible! Why??? I am SOOOO glad you asked...well, because it's part of my New Year's Resolution! WHAT? yes I said it...NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!
For a while now I have mocked the whole "New Year's celebration" and resolution-flinging that goes around this time of year. It's so like God to make me eat my words. You see, to me every day is a new day, a new chance to start over. Shoot! Sometimes every freakin' second of the day is an opportunity for a turnaround, at least that is how it is in MY life. So when everyone starts talking about all the new and improved year they are going to have just because the year changed, I kinda sorta giggle a little. But this year...this year it's different!!! No, really, it is! Maybe its because I am closer to being 40 or because I have had the crappiest past 2 years EVER regarding my faith. Maybe it is simply because I finally, concretely and most assuredly made this decision just this morning as I was praying and it happened to be New Year's Day! Dude I don't know, but its what I am calling it and I'm sticking to it...my New Year's Resolution.
What is it, you ask??? It is facing my fears and doing it anyway! Yep that's right, this year I intend to purposefully challenge myself to do whatever it is that I am afraid to do. Now I am not talking about sheer stupidity like jumping off a building or driving a car off a cliff. I mean things that will really shake in your boots and cause you to sweat but not die! Maybe it's an invitation to do something I never thought I was capable of doing. I don't know exactly what these things are but the point is to stretch and grow. I believe that conquering those things will serve as a catapult for the next level that the Lord has for me.
To be honest with you I really don't know the fullness of my fears. But I prayed this morning that the Lord would reveal them as the days go by and that I would have a very keen sense of fear-awareness so that I can purpose to question WHY they are there, WHEN they got planted there & WHAT I need to do to reverse that lie that I have accepted as truth. Needless to say, I am including you in this journey. Feel free to ask me if I have recently cowered and backed down to a fear. Go ahead! PLEASE, hold me accountable! If in the process I look like a fool, I'm cool with that because something tells me that at the end of it all, I will be refined and better than before! Yet to God be all the glory!!!
For a while now I have mocked the whole "New Year's celebration" and resolution-flinging that goes around this time of year. It's so like God to make me eat my words. You see, to me every day is a new day, a new chance to start over. Shoot! Sometimes every freakin' second of the day is an opportunity for a turnaround, at least that is how it is in MY life. So when everyone starts talking about all the new and improved year they are going to have just because the year changed, I kinda sorta giggle a little. But this year...this year it's different!!! No, really, it is! Maybe its because I am closer to being 40 or because I have had the crappiest past 2 years EVER regarding my faith. Maybe it is simply because I finally, concretely and most assuredly made this decision just this morning as I was praying and it happened to be New Year's Day! Dude I don't know, but its what I am calling it and I'm sticking to it...my New Year's Resolution.
What is it, you ask??? It is facing my fears and doing it anyway! Yep that's right, this year I intend to purposefully challenge myself to do whatever it is that I am afraid to do. Now I am not talking about sheer stupidity like jumping off a building or driving a car off a cliff. I mean things that will really shake in your boots and cause you to sweat but not die! Maybe it's an invitation to do something I never thought I was capable of doing. I don't know exactly what these things are but the point is to stretch and grow. I believe that conquering those things will serve as a catapult for the next level that the Lord has for me.
To be honest with you I really don't know the fullness of my fears. But I prayed this morning that the Lord would reveal them as the days go by and that I would have a very keen sense of fear-awareness so that I can purpose to question WHY they are there, WHEN they got planted there & WHAT I need to do to reverse that lie that I have accepted as truth. Needless to say, I am including you in this journey. Feel free to ask me if I have recently cowered and backed down to a fear. Go ahead! PLEASE, hold me accountable! If in the process I look like a fool, I'm cool with that because something tells me that at the end of it all, I will be refined and better than before! Yet to God be all the glory!!!
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